Coming Home
by garden-nomes
Summary: AU - Five years post S4. Tragedy brings Naomi Campbell back to Bristol after leaving everything behind at the end of college. But the day she arrives, as fate would have it, she runs into someone she didn't expect to see, in the midst of everything else. Rated M for language/other stuff
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I need to stop starting stories when I'm bored.**

**No idea where this one is going, as per. I wasn't going to post it until I had more of it done, but what the hell, right?**

**Fair bit of angst in this one to start with, so if that's not your thing, then feel free to read something else.**

**Right, then... on with it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Blah blah blah. Any and all typos are a figment of your imagination.**

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**(Naomi POV)**

Bristol. My home town. It's a complete shit hole that I fled from a few years ago, at a time when things got too much for me. I swore to myself then, that I'd never return, if I could avoid it. There were places that I remembered like the back of my hand. The first flat I had in London. My second flat in London that I shared with my then-girlfriend. I loved her, but not in that deep, all-consuming way that renders you unable to imagine life without the other person you are in love with. Five years I'd lived in London. One of which could have been better, and four that weren't completely perfect, but that I was content enough with. But I'd never forget my home town, no matter how shitty it was.

I'd not kept in touch with anyone from Bristol when I had left, save for my mother and Kieran. I guess that I was a bit of a coward. There were some things about me that, at the time, I wasn't willing to accept. But I have regrets, and fears, just like everyone else. When you leave one town for another, there are always people you leave behind. My mother, bless her, didn't want me to go. I was eighteen when I left. I hadn't told any of my friends, but I'd applied to university in London, and had been accepted. Mum knew, but had been sworn to not tell anyone else other than Kieran. I'd changed my mobile number, and instructed her not to give it to anyone when I finally called her some weeks after I had left. It was a shitty thing to do, and I felt like a complete cunt for it, but sometimes there are things you just have to do.

They say negative things happen in threes. Usually, it's bad things, but only two out of the three were bad, as such. First, I lost my job. It doesn't really matter what I was doing, the only thing that mattered was that it paid well. Second, my girlfriend and I split up. That was the thing that wasn't so bad. We were still friends, and I felt we always would be, but after a long discussion one night, we both realised that we just didn't have that deep, all-consuming connection between us. That, and she wanted her freedom to pursue other people. Sounds harsh, but that's the crux of what happened between us. I could bounce back easily from either of those two, it was something that could be solved easily, given enough time and patience.

The third thing was what brought me back to my home town. It came in the form of an early morning phone call from Kieran. He told me that I needed to come back to Bristol. When I asked him why, there was a very long pause on the line. I heard him exhale a deep breath, and he then told me how mum had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time, shot and killed by store thieves, the day before.

Me? I hadn't been back to Bristol since the day I left, which was the last day I had seen my mother alive.

There are things you don't forget. People, places, sights, sounds... I'll never forget the tears she held back, as she kissed me goodbye the day I left. I remember my friends, too... Even though I had no contact with them, I could still picture them in my mind, but it served a double purpose of reminding me of how things were before they got complicated in my head, as well as making me regret my decisions. I never asked what mum had told any of them, I didn't really want to know. But as I stood there on the platform after disembarking from the train, I realised, not for the first time, that I had been a complete fool for disappearing the way I did. Kieran was a good man, he had that Irish charm, I suppose, and was rather a jolly sort. He had things to tie up after mum's death, and he wasn't able to come and meet me when I arrived. I told him that it was fine, that I understood... But for the first time in about ten years, I felt alienated and alone in my own home town, and a long lost, but still familiar feeling of dread settled in my stomach.

The only other thing on my mind except grief, was the hope that no one from my past recognised me. The hope that they too had all spread their wings and flown off to whichever corners of the earth they could find. But, it couldn't be that simple, could it? Nothing ever is. You hope on hope that it's just going to be black and white and straight forward. It never is. There's always murky areas to trip you up. To make you question things, and especially yourself.

When I was fourteen, I kissed a girl. Or rather, she kissed me, at a party. It made me feel things that felt crazy to me. It confused me, because I'd never entertained the idea that I might be gay. Or straight... or... well, anything, really. Hadn't even occurred to me. I'd been more interested in learning things about the environment, and caring for animals, and whole other bunch of hippie shit that Gina had put into my head. When I finally admitted it to myself when I was twenty, that I had no attraction to men past casual conversation, mum had told me it was about bloody time, and that she'd known all along. Typical.

The girl who kissed me was one of the reasons I had left. We'd sort of formed a shaky friendship, that was always something more on her end. She knew it, I knew it, but I resisted it. We'd ended up sleeping together. Or rather, she lured me into the woods for sex. My thought about that always makes me chuckle and shake my head now. _Denial is a river in Egypt_, as Gina would have said, and I wasn't just swimming in it, I was fucking _drowning_. Sleeping with her wasn't the issue, actually, for a first time I suppose it was alright. It was how it confused me that was the problem.

A harsh, lispy voice pulled me from my thoughts and back into the bustling station.

"...and make sure you go round to my flat and pick up my mail! I don't want to miss my subscription to HEAT, loser."

I knew that harsh, lispy tone. Sounds you never forget, right? The first time I'd heard it was when it was shouting at me to "_get the fuck off my sister, bitch!_", just before the right hook of one Katie Fitch came into contact with my nose. Thank Christ it had been an end-of-year party, not that I was as obsessed with appearances as Mademoiselle Fitch was, but the lingering pressure of a broken nose isn't that much fun to deal with at the best of times, let alone when you're supposed to be learning.

The next sound I knew I would never ever forget, came, as expected, hot on the heels of the lisp.

"Yes, Katie." The voice replied, in its smooth huskiness. The same smooth huskiness that shook me whenever I'd heard it as a teenager.

_Emily._

I panicked, my heart began to race, and I ducked behind a pole that was big enough to mask my presence. I spotted the two of them, still as pint-sized as ever, Katie still decking herself out in what looked like a safari slaughter of animal prints. Her hair was different, a bit longer, and an entirely different shade to the purple shade I remember it being. Emily's was still the same shade of cherry red, and she was wearing a knee-length tartan skirt, and a black leather jacket. When she turned, I also noticed she was wearing a sky blue top. She still looked beautiful. They both were, but Katie's attitude made her less attractive than her looks. I doubt she's changed any, given the fact that she still seems to be bossing Emily around like it was her life's work.

"Have you got everything?" Emily asked. "Tickets, money, passport?"

"Yes, yes... all set." Katie replied. "Now tell me you'll miss me, bitch!" She added, drawing Emily into what looked to be a crushing and possibly uncomfortable hug.

"I'll miss you, Katie." She nodded. "Send a few postcards, yeah?"

"Pfft... If I can find time between the men and the sun... I'll see what I can do."

A sharp whistle came from the conductor's car. "_**ALL ABOARD!**_"

"Bye, Emsy!" Katie waved, before stepping onto the train with her laughably pink leopard-print luggage.

"Bye, Katie." Emily replied, as the train began to pull its way out of the station. Typically, Katie stuck her hand out the window and waved. Emily waved back, and watched as the train departed. She stood still for a moment as I watched her, then looked around like she knew she was being watched. Bugger, I thought to myself. Just keep moving, Naomi... Forget you saw her.

I turned to walk out of the station, and immediately bumped into someone who was carrying two large bags. They went down, and so did I. Right, so much for making a sneaky exit, then.

"Watch where you're fucking going!" The man said, as I stood up and dusted myself off.

"_Sorry._" I said, flatly, picking up my rather full backpack. I wasn't in the mood to argue with him. I replaced my bag on my shoulder, and as bad luck would have it, immediately lifted my eyes only to be met with the brown eyes of one Emily Fitch, as she stood about ten feet away from me. I felt my own eyes grow wide, and my heart begin to race in my chest. Fight or flight?

"N-naomi?" Emily said, walking towards me and clearly not believing her eyes.

"Uh...no. Sorry. You've got me mixed up with someone else. Excuse me." I said, quickly, as I turned and walked out of the station as fast as my feet would carry me. I stepped quickly towards the taxi rank, hearing Emily's voice behind me._ Flight wins_, then.

_Goddammit, why does she always have to be fucking following me?_

"Naomi, WAIT!" I heard her call, as I stepped into the first taxi I could find.

"Brandon Hill, mate. Make it quick." I said to the driver, and luckily for me, he was able to drive off then and there.

I didn't turn back. But I caught sight of her in the rear-view mirror. The baffled expression on her face, even in that tiny mirror told me that she had a million questions. Where I'd been, why I'd left... But it wasn't a time when I could answer them. It hadn't been then, when I had skipped town at eighteen. And now, I had the emotional task of my mother's funeral to get through.

I told myself then, sitting in the back of that taxi, that if I saw her again, I would try not to run from her. Maybe it was time to fix all the regrets in my life. The regret of never returning home to see my mum would always be with me. She was _gone_ now, and I couldn't change that, as much as I wanted to. _Get through the funeral first_, I told myself. _Deal with the rest later._

I did just that. A hollow ache settled inside my stomach, as I stood at the foot of her grave, cemetery workmen shoveling fresh dirt over her coffin. Another thing I would never forget, but something I felt too young to have to deal with. Gina Campbell wasn't supposed to die from a robber's bullet. She was meant to die peacefully, as she had lived, with her family surrounding her. In that moment, life just seemed nothing short of completely cruel and pointless, and I felt utterly empty inside.

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It was another two weeks before I saw her again. I was sitting in a coffee shop, reading my much dog-eared copy of The Catcher In The Rye, and enjoying a double espresso. I was deeply concentrating on the words I was reading, trying to forget the depression in my head, when I heard the scrape of a chair, and the soft, dull thud of a large, filled cardboard cup resting on the table in front of me.

"Fuck off, I'm busy." I muttered, not taking my eyes off the page.

"So, it IS you." The husky voice I would never forget proclaimed, sending a cold chill down my spine and making me drop my book on the table, the pages of which fell shut. I looked up, to see Emily Fitch looking back at me, looking as painfully gorgeous as I remember her being, half an amused smirk on her lips.

"E-emily..." I stuttered.

"Hi." She replied, her smirk turning into a soft smile.

"Uh...hi." I said.

She reached over and picked up my paperback. "The Catcher In The Rye... not much changes, then?"

I looked at her blankly, because she didn't know exactly how wrong that statement was. "Uhm..." I lowered my head, and sighed. I cleared my throat, facing her with a defiant look in my eyes. "_What_ do you want, Emily?"

She peered at me briefly, and then nodded, slowly. "Yeah... still the same, aren't you? Still the same Naomi who left me and everyone else without a word, changing her number and not leaving a forwarding address." She said, with a hurt tone. I stared blankly again, simply because I didn't really have a response to the painful, but obvious truth. "I guess I was mad to think that you'd changed, or something." She stood up, and picked up her drink from where she had set it on the table. "Well, I guess it was nice running into you again. I'll...try not to bother you anymore." She added, before turning and walking away.

I watched as she walked out of the coffee shop, the door closing behind her.

_Christ_, Naomi... you utter fucking _wanker!_ Go after her and at least apologise for being such a twat!

I finished my coffee, shoved my paperback into my satchel, and quickly exited through the same door that Emily just had. I looked to my left, then to my right, spotting her off in the distance. I kept a fast pace, and eventually caught up to her. "Emily..._wait!_" I blurted out, unsure of what else to say. If I could just make her wait long enough to apologise...

She turned around, and faced me. Her eyes looked so sad, and it made me remember the last time I had seen them that sad. It had been when we had all found out Freddie had been murdered. The look in her eyes just stabbed right into my heart, with something so hot it didn't just burn, it_ seared._

I took a deep breath, and swallowed my uneasiness. "I'm sorry. I'm a bit of a twat." I said, looking down at my feet.

"You said it." She said, flatly.

I stared for a brief moment, and thought better of just turning away from her. "_Right_. I guess I deserve that." I said, curtly. "Uh...look. Have you got any time? I'll try and explain, if you want me to."

Emily looked at her watch. "I have an appointment in an hour."

I nodded. "It might take a bit longer, but I can try and fit as much as I can in an hour."

"Right. Come on, then." Emily said, turning and beginning to walk up the street.

We ended up, less than ten minutes later, in a small park near a post office. Emily sat down on a bench, and made room for me too, so I sat next to her. We sat there for probably about twenty minutes, while I struggled with what to say.

"So..." She said, clearing her throat. "The short version, then."

"Right." I replied. "Uh...well, at the end of college, I got accepted at uni in London."

"You told me you didn't even apply to London." Emily replied.

"I know. I was a bit reluctant with the truth. Sorry." I said. "Anyway... I just upped and went to London. I've lived and worked there the past five years. But, then I lost my job, became single, and..." I paused. "Uh... I had to come back."

"Why? I mean, it was obviously so easy for you to leave everyone behind. Even your mum didn't tell me anything about where you went." Emily said, the hurt tone still in her voice. "She misses you, you know. I still talk to her from time to time."

I half smiled. Gina always did like Emily, and while she had suspected that Emily might have had something to do with my sudden, secretive departure, she never asked, and I never told. "Yeah." I said, my voice wavering. I was silent for a moment, swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to compose myself and not cry. I hated letting people see me cry, least of all Emily Fitch. I sniffled slightly. "Sorry." I muttered.

"No, I'm sorry. I've obviously said something to upset you." Emily said, her tone apologetic.

I shook my head. "No. You just have no idea, that's all. But how do you break something like that easily?" I mumbled.

"Like what?" Emily paused. "Naomi... what's wrong?" She asked.

"She's dead, Emily." I said, almost whispering. "She was killed in a convenience store robbery, two days before you saw me at the station."

"Oh god, _Naomi_..." Emily said, sliding her arm around my shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug. "I had _no_ idea, I'm so sorry!"

I let her hug me, because it was still so raw I started crying again. Five years and her arms were still comforting to me. After all the shit I'd done to her, pushing her way, not being sure about myself, being happy together for a while, and then finally leaving without a word, she still pulled me into the familiar tight embrace of her arms. It was like I'd never actually left Bristol at all. Eventually, I felt something vibrating between us, and Emily released her hold around me. She reached into her jacket and pulled out her mobile.

"Shit." She frowned, reading the text. "I'm really sorry... I have to go, work needs me back early."

"It's fine." I said, wiping my eyes.

Emily shook her head. "No, it _isn't_. Give me your phone."

"What?"

She held her hand out, her eyebrow raised in question. I rolled my eyes and handed her my phone. She keyed her number in, and handed it back to me. "It's actually the same number, but I'm not sure you'd remember it." She said. "No pressure, but... if you want to talk, call me. In fact, if you need anything..."

"Emily..."

"No, I insist. I know there's a lot in our past, Naomi. But we can worry about that later. I'm just saying, if you need someone to talk to..."

"Right." I said quietly. Emily stood up, as did I. "Uh... thanks. For the hug."

Emily shrugged. "It's the least I can do, yeah?" She said, gently rubbing my bicep. She leaned up and kissed my cheek softly. "See you around?"

"Uh... we'll see."

Emily nodded, and walked away, leaving me standing with my stomach churning, and my cheek on fire, right where here lips had been pressed against it. I tightened the strap on my bag, shoved my hands into my pockets, put my head down and began to walk back to my late mum's house.

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**A/N#2: Well, there's the first bit... anyone interested in what happens next?**

**Like it, hate it...let me know.**

**Cheers for reading.**

**~GN~ xo**


	2. Confrontations

**A/N: Greetings, one and all. **

**Thanks for the reviews, follows, etc. I am most apologetic for killing Gina off in this one, but I needed a premise for Naomi's return to Bristol. Bit drastic, and it was a tough decision, because she (although her appearance in skins itself is all too brief) is one of my favourite characters to write, other than probably Naomi herself (as it gives me a chance to exercise my sarcasm). **

**I've had this chapter written for a couple of days now, but it needed mucho editing and a little bit of retooling. I'm still not 100% on it, but what the hell, you guys can be the judge. **

**Apparently my stories should be classified in the same vein as narcotics...lol as my compadre ****_mynameislizzie_**** tells me, so this one I'm labelling Class A (for the angst, of course). Have you read her stories? If not, I highly suggest you do after you have a read through of this chapter... she is nothing short of extremely fucking talented, and I hungrily devour every single word she writes.**

**Anyway. On with it, then... Emily manages to hold her patience in check in this chapter...how I have no idea. But we'll hear from her soon, so maybe we shall get some more insight as to why... And we have an appearance from one Ms Stonem... although I want to slap Naomi a bit, you'll find out why...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Or the characters. Bummer, that. Any and all typos are a complete figment of your imagination.**

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**(Naomi POV)**

I cried, the entire way back to mum's. Well, I suppose her house is mine now, she'd left it to me in her will. And Kieran, well... He found it too painful to actually stay here, so he decided, after a long tearful discussion with me, that he would go back to Ireland. He had left a week ago, so now, it was just me...alone in the house I grew up in. The only absence being a cheerful, unflappable Gina Campbell to greet me with a warm smile and a plate of something to eat while she sat and cheered me up with her wisdom.

I walked inside and shut the door behind me, not bothering to turn on the lights at all. I dropped my satchel by the door and headed upstairs to my room, stripped, laid down on my bed and buried myself under the duvet. I must have laid there for about thirty minutes or so, simply trying not to think, when I heard a knock at the front door. _Fuck off, whoever you are_, I thought to myself. I crawled further under the duvet, thinking that if I just didn't move, whoever it was would go away. But, as usual, no such luck there. The knock came again, slower this time.

I flipped the duvet down over my head. "FUCK _OFF!_" I yelled, at the top of my lungs.

Just when I thought they had gone, a slower, more insistent and, yet, strangely familiar knock came. No. It couldn't be. Could it?

I huffed, got out of bed and hastily put on my jeans as the knock sounded again. "_ALRIGHT_, alright... keep your vagina on." I said, as I stumbled down the stairs. I reached for the doorhandle, ready to give whoever it was at the front door a right serve of Campbell annoyance.

"Listen, I told you to-"

"...fuck off. I heard." Came the monotone reply. "_Bit_ rude, don't you think?"

I had an inkling as to who it might have been, sure, but I still stood there in complete shock. "I...uh..." I stuttered. It seemed to be a running theme, today. I swallowed thickly. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Standing on your doorstep, wondering why my former best friend has been back in town nearly _three weeks_, and hasn't looked me up." Came the flat reply.

"_Oh_." I replied, not really knowing what to say. I sighed. "You'd better come in, then." I said, leaving the door open and walking back inside the house. I went into the kitchen and put the kettle on, getting some cups out and beginning to make some tea. I heard a chair scrape behind me, and turned to see the slim figure of one Effy Stonem sitting at the table, staring at me with those laser beam eyes of hers. "Tea?"

"Please."

I made us both a cup of tea and sat down opposite her, placing her tea in front of her. We sat silently for a few minutes before I broke the silence. "How did you know I was back?" I asked, quietly.

"Why did _you_ leave without a word?" She asked, in reply.

I sighed. "Eff, I_ don't_ have the patience for this shit, yeah? I've had too much of a hard time lately, and I'm tired. So just... don't ok?" I said, my voice taking on a weary tone.

Effy regarded me with curious blue eyes, that didn't quite mirror my own. Hers were a darker blue than mine. "I got a phone call. From Katie, who is on holiday in Tahiti. She got one from Emily, who called this afternoon and actually woke her up babbling on about how she'd seen you, and-"

"_Right._ Nice to see the gossip still goes around here." I said, sarcastically. "You still keep in touch with them, then?"

"Yes." Effy replied, before sipping some of her tea. "But _you_ haven't."

"I haven't kept in touch with _anyone_, in case you hadn't noticed." I replied, flatly.

She nodded. "Where did you go?"

"London. Uni."

"Ah. So you _DID_ apply, then."

"_Yes._ Applied, accepted, graduated." I said, succinctly. This was getting on my nerves and also boring me stupid. I just wanted to go back upstairs and crawl under my duvet and block out the world, rather than be analysed by an old friend.

"And you left because...?"

I huffed again. "Because I fucking _wanted_ to, alright? I _had_ to leave. I felt stifled here, I couldn't handle it." I said, lying through my teeth. The look she gave me was one that told me she wasn't going to believe a word of what I'd just said. The raised eyebrow just completed the statement.

"Don't give me_ that_ shit, Campbell." She said, her monotone back again. "I knew you better than that."

"Yeah, you_ knew_ me better. You _don't_ anymore."

"I know you ran, and I know _why_ you ran." Effy said.

"Yeah, well... Look, can you just_ not?_ I've already had to face this shit once today, and I_ can't_ handle it. Like I said, I've had-"

"...enough on your plate."

"**_STOP_** doing that! Stop finishing my fucking sentences like I _never_ fucking left, Eff._ That's_ all in the past, and I'm _not_ the same anymore. I've changed." I said, angrily.

"_Everyone_ has changed, Naomi."

"Not everyone. Katie Fitch is still the same bitchy person she always was, still bossing Emily around like it's going out of style." I shrugged.

"Where does Katie come into it? She said she hasn't even seen you in five years, but Emily has, and she called Katie in tears after seeing you." Effy explained.

"_Right_, so you're Katie's lapdog, now? _Christ_, Eff, you used to _hate_ each other! Or did you _forget_ you bashed her in the head with a rock?" I replied.

Effy shook her head. "Don't you _dare_, Naomi. You haven't got a clue."

"Yeah, you're _right_. I _don't_." Came my sharp reply, as I stood up and drank the rest of my tea. "_Fuck_ this, I'm going back upstairs. See yourself out." I said, walking towards the doorway.

"I'm sorry... about Gina." Effy said, stopping me in my tracks. I lowered my head and shut my eyes, once again feeling the tears begin to prick at them. _Fuck's sake._

"_Yeah._" I choked, as I quickly left the room. I trudged up the stairs and went back to my room, slamming the door behind me and flicking the lock. "_Fuck_ you, Stonem." I muttered, as I sank back into my bed and buried myself again, the grief just washing over me again in huge waves as my sobbing rocked me like an earthquake.

Somehow, I managed to hear the quiet click of the front door as Effy left. I sighed, deeply, and then sniffled, closing my eyes. Fucking gossips, honestly. Trust Katie fucking Fitch to...

_Wait._ Effy had said that Emily had called Katie in tears after seeing me. Why would she be in tears? Surely she's moved _past_ all the stupid shit I did to her when we were teenagers? _Christ._

Why the _fuck_ did I even care? _Five_ _years_ it had been since I'd last seen her, and the sight of her in the station spooked me so much that I panicked and fled. She found _me_ the second time, and... _God_, the hurt in her voice. The voice that I had tried so _hard_ to forget. But how do you forget the voice of the person who makes _such_ a fucking impact on your life, that you're completely _broken_, and will _never_ be properly whole without them?

"**_Fuck_**." I muttered, as I reached for my phone. The thing about Emily Fitch was that no matter how much time had elapsed, she _still_ found a way to make me care about her. Because I _did_ still care about her, deep down. I know I'd been a bitch to her sometimes back then, and that was one reason I'd left in the first place. I didn't want to keep hurting her.

I searched my contacts, finding the number she had left in there under her name. I hesitated for a brief moment, before I dialled the number.

"_Hello?_" Came the curious reply.

"Hi. It's me." I said. "Uh..."

"_Naomi?_"

"Yeah." I said, softly. "Have I ...caught you at a bad time?"

"_No... actually I've just got home._" Emily replied.

"Right. Look, um... If it's not too much to ask...I mean, if you're not busy... can you...would you mind coming arou-?"

"_Y-yeah...of course. Where are you?"_ Came her questioning reply.

"I'm at mum's. Well... it's mine now, considering." I replied, clearing my throat.

"_Ok. I can be there in about half an hour. Have you eaten?_"

I half smiled. Typical Emily, still worrying about me, all these years later. "No, but I'm not really hungry."

"_Rubbish. I'll stop somewhere and pick up something, because I havent eaten either, and I think we need to have a long talk, don't you?_"

I nodded, even though she wasn't in the same room. "Yeah. You're probably right. So, half an hour, then?"

"_Sure. See you then._" She replied, and then the line went silent.

Right, then. I got out of bed, tidying up the duvet and changing my shirt, giving my face a wash and making myself look somewhat presentable. I felt nervous, but then Emily had always made me feel nervous, to an extent. I almost jumped out of my skin when she knocked on the door.

When I opened it, she was standing there, her expression full of the usual wonder it had whenever she had looked at me in the past. "Hi." She said. "I got us chinese food, is that ok?"

I nodded, and stepped aside to let her in, taking her coat and hanging it on the wall. "Sorry if the place is a bit of a mess, I'm still in the process of packing up mum's stuff."

"It's fine." Emily replied. "I'm glad you called."

"Right. Shall we?" I asked, motioning towards the kitchen.

"Sure." She replied, walking past me. I caught the familiar scent of her perfume as she walked past, and felt myself shiver slightly.

Ok, maybe time_ doesn't_ change everything...

...Definitely not, because ten minutes later, we were sitting opposite each other nursing plates of fried rice and Szechuan tofu with asian greens. Did I mention that's my favourite?

"You didn't have to bring me dinner." I said, quietly, poking a piece of tofu with a chopstick.

"Maybe not, but you didn't have to call me, and you did." Emily replied.

"Fair point." I said. "I did need to call you, though."

"Why?" She asked, looking at me with an expression that held a small amount of knowing guilt behind it.

"Effy turned up here earlier." I said. "Katie called her. After you called Katie. Apparently, you were pretty upset."

She lowered her head, and placed her fork down beside her plate. Emily never got the hang of chopsticks. "I was... you know I always had a soft spot for Gina. I was sad to hear about her."

I nodded. "Fair enough." I said.

"And...she was the only one who cared about me being upset after you left." Emily explained. "Katie was occupied with Effy after Freds, and... it wasn't like I was going to get any sympathy at home."

"_Oh_." I said, dumbly. I knew Emily's home life _wasn't_ that great at the time I had left. That's what made leaving her so much harder. I knew that I was the one person who made her troubles with her homophobic mother and annoying and overbearing sister seem to not matter so much when we were together. Katie had mellowed somewhat once she found out she couldn't have kids, but she still _wasn't_ someone you wanted to push. "_Katie_ and Effy?" I asked. Surely Katie hadn't joined our sapphic ranks?

"Oh, god no. Katie is still straight as an arrow." Emily replied. "But they patched up their differences after we all found out about Freddie."

"Right. I didn't get that far into the conversation with her."

"Yeah, she called me and told me you were, and I quote, _'the same moody bitch she always was'_."

I sort of laughed and shook my head. "Typical."

Silence fell between us as we ate. Five years since I'd last seen her, and she hadn't changed much on the outside. Eyes still wide and curious, nose still adorable and button-like. Hell, she still smelled the same, even. A simple perfume of roses the scent of which still made me feel like I had come home.

"What were you doing in that café today?" Emily finally asked.

"Drinking coffee and reading." I replied.

"Well, _obviously_."

I sighed. "I'd been to see the lawyers about Gina's estate, if you must know. Changing the name on the deed to the house, and such." I said, quietly. It was still so hard to think of her being gone... "I thought a coffee might make me feel better."

"I thought you usually drank vodka for that?" Emily smirked.

I shook my head. "I don't drink so much anymore. Not since I left Bristol."

"Ah." Emily replied. "So, if I can ask... What have you been up to these past years? Besides uni."

"Uh, well... I did a degree in business with a minor in French."

"You always said you wanted to learn it." She said, with a reminiscent smile. "I remember you saying you thought it was 'ridiculessly romantic', French being the language of lovers."

"You_ remember_ that?"

Emily shrugged. "There's _not_ much I have forgotten about you."

"_Including_ my favourite food?" I asked, dryly.

Emily blushed. "Well..._yeah_."

I shook my head and smiled, slightly. "I used to work for an interpreting company. Until the accountants got dodgy, fiddled the books too much and the company went into liquidation." I explained, before placing a small piece of tofu into my mouth. I seemed to have fuck all appetite, but it tasted alright. "That was about six weeks ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Emily replied. "Have you had any luck looking for a new job?"

I shook my head. "I haven't had the chance. My...my girlfriend and I split up the same week. It was amicable, though. We just decided we worked better as friends than lovers. She moved out, and...well, then mum." I said, falling silent.

"Oh, I see. Was she... nice? Your ex-girlfriend, I mean." She asked, her tone timid, like she didn't want to know the answer.

I nodded. "We'd been together three years. Once I finally stopped fucking around and came to terms with myself."

"Oh. Gay after all, then?"

I nodded again. "As a window, Emily. It seems I always was."

She smiled at me. "Well, I'm glad you finally sorted that, then."

"Yeah." I said, nibbling on some vegetables.

Nothing more was said for a few minutes. "Was it hard to leave?" Emily asked, eventually.

There was a long pause before I answered. "It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. At the time."

"Can I ask why you did, then?" She said, looking at me with those big, warm brown eyes. Why she was being so patient and not screaming at me, i had no idea.

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore." I admitted. "I know how you felt, and deep down, I felt the same, but I was so scared, Emily. Not of you, but because of how I felt about you. It scared the shit out of me, if I'm honest. I _knew_ it would hurt you if I told you about London, because I knew you had other plans, to travel, see the world... and I didn't want mine to get in the way of them."

Emily stared at me hard. "You were part of those plans, Naomi." she said, quietly, her voice low and slightly strained.

I looked down at my plate, relentlessly poking at another piece of innocent tofu. "I know, but I felt a bit... I was so stubborn back then... I was so set on what I wanted, Ems..." I said, the old nickname slipping out by accident. "...you took me by complete surprise when I fell for you. I loved you, but I felt like I had no control over what I was doing anymore."

"So...you chickened out? Why did you never tell me about what you wanted? I might have compromised!" Emily asked, and I could tell she was trying to keep her voice calm.

"I never was that good with verbally expressing what I wanted, you know that." I said, honestly.

"Oh, I don't know... It depended _what_ you were after..." Emily replied, flashing me a sly look. _Seriously?_ After all this time and what I'd done?

I raised my eyebrow back at her in question. "Maybe not in the short term, but long term... I lived_ in the now_ with you, Emily. But when it came to the future... I got scared, because I had you, but I wasn't _completely_ sure that it was what I wanted in the long term."

"Oh." She replied, looking down at her food. "I see."

"I _did_ love you, Emily." I said, and she lifted her head and looked into my eyes upon hearing my words. "I just _couldn't_ handle it all. I wasn't as _sure_ about myself as you were. I _should_ have talked to you, instead of leaving. I _know_ it was cowardly, and a mean spirited thing to do, and I _am_ sorry for it. It's one of the things I regret a lot in my life, you have _no_ idea how much." I said, as my voice betrayed me and started to crack. "If you're still mad, I understand. I wouldn't blame you one bit."

Emily said nothing in reply, but reached accross the table and took my hand in her own warm one. She squeezed it gently, and I looked up into her eyes. I could see the understanding in them, even if Emily didn't tell me directly. Her eyes were always so expressive, and like her knowledge of my favourite food, that hadn't changed, either.

I cleared my throat. "What about you, then?"

"You mean, what did I do after you skipped town and broke my heart?" She asked, quietly.

_**Ouch.**_ I'd always known I might do that by leaving. It hurt slightly to know my suspicions were correct. I shrugged. "Guess I deserve _that_, too. But yeah... what have you been up to in the past few years?"

Emily nodded. "Well, I took a gap year and travelled. Just to get away from everything here. I travelled through India and Thailand, then spent a few months in Australia, New Zealand, and then back home." She explained. "I then went to uni and majored in English. Right now, I teach part time at a high school."

"Teaching? _Interesting._ I never pictured you doing that."

Emily laughed. "What did you picture me doing, then?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. Just not teaching, that's all." I said. "And what about...personally?"

"I'm not with anyone, if that's what you're asking."

"It wasn't. Were you?" I asked. "With anyone, I mean."

"Nothing ever really serious. Not in years-and-counting territory, anyway." She shrugged.

"I see."

I wondered briefly, if Emily had ever gotten over me leaving like that. It still bothered me, and if I'd broken her heart like she said, well... I know how long it was before I'd fallen for someone. But even still... Jules hadn't compared to Emily in any way, shape or form. No one ever had. And she knew that. Jules knew all about why I had left Bristol. She accepted it all as part of my past, and knew it bothered me greatly, but never said anything about it until the day we split up. The day she told me that even though she loved me with all her heart, she knew I had never loved her completely in the same way, and never really would. She could never compare, and after all this time, my heart still belonged to someone else, and that someone was Emily.

I realised then, sitting across from Emily now, years after I had left her to her grief, that Jules had been totally right. I sort of knew it then, but... some things just hit you with a delayed brick, don't they?

I sighed, deeply. "I really am sorry, Emily." I mumbled. "For everything. It wasn't fair, and I knew it at the time, but I was selfish."

"Yes, you were. You ran from a situation we might have been able to sort out if you hadn't been so stubborn and skipped out like that."

"I guess so. It's a shame I can't change the past."

"True..." Emily said. "...but, you're here now."

"Only because circumstances changed _dramatically_ in my life, Emily." I reasoned. "If none of it had happened, we wouldn't be here now."

She nodded. "I suppose you are right." She conceded. A short pause followed before she spoke once more. "Did you ever think about me?"

"Yes." I replied, without hesitating. "Almost_ every_ day."

"Then it _wasn't_ just me." She said, softly.

I shrugged. "I suppose not."

The food in front of me had gone cold, though Emily had finished hers long ago. I stared at the plate in front of me. I had really had no appetite since hearing about mum's death. I ate only because I knew that if I didn't, my already slim frame would end up looking skeletal, and that's by no means attractive. Jules would read me the riot act. That reminded me that I needed to call her, I hadn't for a few days...

"I can put this in the fridge if you like? You can warm it up if you get hungry later." Emily offered.

"Hmm? _Oh_... yeah." I answered.

Emily got up and fussed around the kitchen. I was amazed that she remembered where everything was, but then she did say she had talked to Gina from time to time, so knowing my mum, she probably had been around for a cuppa now and again.

Soon after, she left, saying something about needing to be up early in the morning. I saw her out, and it felt ridiculously familiar as we hugged at the door.

"Thanks...for coming and bringing dinner." I said. "And for listening... I know you didn't have to, so... thanks for giving me the chance to explain."

"Thanks for calling me." Emily nodded, with a gentle smile. She bit her bottom lip, and it was still as cute as ever, and it still made me squirm. "Think we can do it again, sometime?"

I thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."

Her face lit up with an even warmer smile. "Ok. Well, you have my number... so don't be a stranger."

"I won't." I replied, as I opened the door.

She kissed my cheek softly. "Bye, Naomi."

"Bye." I said, as she left, and I closed the door behind her.

That wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, I thought to myself, as I walked up the stairs. The truth was, I felt a little better. Emily and I still had more to talk about, and things might have been a way off being ok between us, but at least it was a start... and I did promise myself that I was going to try and make things right.

Maybe this was as good a place as any to start?

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**A/N#2: That's where the second chapter ends... what do you think? Naomi's reasons sounding plausible enough and true to her character?**

***shrug***

**Reviews?**

**More soon, the next chapter will be Emily's POV and I'm still partway through writing it. **

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	3. Sorting Out, Packing Up

**A/N: Hello everyone! Cheers to everyone of you that is reading this tale...and all my other ones... I have a bad habit of starting multiple projects, it seems... but oh well, keeps me occupied and from doing stupid shit, so you're welcome!**

**So...this chapter is from Emily's POV... I think possibly disappointment in Naomi's actions is more prevalent than anger, but...eh, who knows? But... eh, not gonna ruin it, you'll find out.**

**This will most likely be my last post this year, unless I can get a spare hour or two to update something else (possibly unlikely, seeing as my housemate has planned for Mexican themed shenanigans... all that will be missing are sombreros, fancy oversized moustaches and laughably coloured ponchos... Well, and Naomily, but... can't have it all, can we?**

**GET ON WITH IT, NOMESY!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Cuz y'know if I did, there would have been loads more smut and other shenanigans...lol Any and all typos got wasted on tequila...**

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**(Emily POV)**

(Three days later)

To say that I was in a slight amount of shock over seeing Naomi again was a _bit_ of an understatement. I didn't know at the time, why she had lied to me in the station and said it wasn't her. No, it wasn't until I found out her reason for being back in Bristol that it clicked. She probably hadn't meant to lie to me, but I knew from the look in her eyes that she was as rattled as I was to see each other again. It was like the metaphorical punch in the gut that people speak of when they see something that shocks them right to the core.

She had seemed surprised that I remembered so much, but I knew I'd _never_ forget anything about her, as long as I lived. I knew that, the moment I saw her at the age of twelve. She also was surprised I hadn't really been with anyone long term. To be honest, I hadn't wanted to. I knew a long time ago that Naomi Campbell was it for me. Her leaving had broken me, because she had left without explanation, and made it clear, however non-verbally, that she wanted nothing to do with me. Gina was sympathetic, and wasn't impressed with her daughter's actions, but knew that Naomi was as stubborn as a mule, and once she had her mind set, there was no changing it...whatsoever.

I had heard about the robbery. The convenience store was actually on the same street that Katie had worked on. She came to dinner the same night it happened, and told me all about it, and how three people had been shot and killed.

"There were ambulances everywhere, Emsy... it took me _forever_ to get home!"

_Typical_ Katie, if you knew my sister. I loved her, but she had a habit of being self centred. The only person who she showed more than casual affection to was Effy. Don't misunterstand me, there was definitely nothing going on between them, other than platonic friendship. Sure, Effy wouldn't have _minded_ shagging her, but with Katie she had no chance. I knew it, she knew it, that termite over there in the corner knew it. For all Katie's brash attitude and bitchiness, she did have a heart of gold, and a very compassionate one at that. She did care, and even with her differences with Effy during college, when we heard that Freddie had been found murdered, Effy fell apart, and Katie, in spite of also having feelings for our dearly departed friend, helped Effy put herself back together again.

But it was the loss of Naomi's presence that hurt us all the most. Yeah, even Katie, though she wouldn't admit it if you asked her. That would mean she would have to swallow her pride more than once in her teenage life, and that wasn't going to happen. I was shattered by it. Gina knew why, because she saw through Naomi, and could see how much she actually cared about me, in spite of her being reckless with my emotions. She also knew that we properly loved each other, something she had told me in a long conversation when I had come to see Naomi after she had left. The very next day after, to be precise. Just my luck...

Effy had suddenly lost three people who had meant something to her. Cook was on the run, god knows where, and while we knew where Freddie ended up, none of us knew anything about Naomi's whereabouts, not until I had seen her in the station. Her blonde hair was a lot longer, falling well past her shoulders, and she looked more... hardened, I suppose. But she was still as beautiful as I remembered her being... and honestly, it had made my heart do somersaults to see her again.

The second time I had seen her had been during my lunch break. I stopped in for a coffee, and I nearly missed her on my way out of the shop. But she had such a hostile attitude, that after the time I had seen her in the station, well... I had myself a slightly harder heart, didn't I? It's just a way of protecting it when it gets broken.. you shut it off to everything that can damage it. You walk away from situations that might lead to something that might do you some good, because you know that in the end, it will only be ruined. Though when it's the person who broke your heart to begin with, you harden your heart into an unpolished diamond: hard, but with no lustre to it at all.

When I finally got her talking over dinner, I realised that she was just as broken as I felt, maybe not for completely the same reasons, but the result was the same. She was a walking shell because of the recent negative happenings in her life, and I was a walking shell, because all those years ago, she had walked out on what we had _without a single word._ To say that I was devastated at the time was a complete and total understatement. I wondered what I had done wrong, and subsequently ended up blaming myself for her leaving. How could I not, when she gave me no reason to think otherwise? Katie was angry at her, Effy had enough on her plate, even without Naomi doing a runner.

But me, I was left to my own anger over it all, and my own despair. It was so hard without her at first... so hard to even _breathe_. Everything had been sucked out of me with her absence, all I was left with was asking why. It took so much out of me, her leaving. I shut myself in, and other people out. I never again let anyone get as close to me as she had been, for fear that they would do exactly the same as she had done to me, and leave without a single word as to why. I never even let myself get close to anyone, as soon as it felt like it was going that way, I would be plagued with doubt and uncertainty, and I'd end up running. Not that there wasn't anyone who wasn't worthy of my attention... It's just that none of them were Naomi.

_Pathetic_, right? I mean, she walks out on me, in a sense, and I'm the one left pining forever? Whatever happened to 'fuck you if you don't want me, i'll move on'? Yeah, that emotion somewhere inside me didn't realise that this was Naomi Campbell, the girl who my heart had been set on since I was fucking_ TWELVE_, and that it was_ completely_ impossible for me to even think of being with anyone else long-term... No, everything inside me had been imagining a life with Naomi since very early on, and you know what they say about changing habits of a lifetime...

That was why I never got past the first couple of dates with other women. I didn't want anyone to have me, because even though I had been hurt greatly by Naomi, deep down I was bewildered by her departure, more than angry in the end, and I had a little voice that stemmed from inside my heart that said if I ever saw her again, I would at least try and find out why she had left. I'd at least give her the chance to explain, if she wanted to, because when it came to her, I still wanted her. _Hopelessly in love, much?_

Her reasons seemed trivial at first, but the more I thought about it on my walk home, the more sense it had made. I never even knew she had applied to uni in London, because we'd never talked that much about it. I remember we talked about what I wanted, and Naomi seemed to be ok with it. Had I really been that blind to see that it wasn't what she wanted to do? I knew she was driven, but... I never, not for a million years thought she would have driven us apart like that. So, maybe we were both a little to blame... I can't say what I would have done had she talked to me more about her plans and dreams. We were too involved in each other, but I'd like to think that I might have given some leeway... I might love Naomi to death, but I'm not selfish.

_Loved_... I _loved_ her to death...

Fuck it. I still _do_ love her to death, though I've tried to forget. But it never happened, did it? If it did, I'd have moved on completely and be living happily ever after, picket fence and 2.5... No. I guess I never did, because I knew I'd be faking it. And you can't _fake_ love, no matter how much you try. I learned that when a girl fell in love with me once, and wanted more than I could give her... She was a great girl... Fit, too, and I did like her to an extent... but it just_ wasn't there,_ you know? I was fond of her, but by no means in love with her to the point where I saw a life with her. Not when the only person I could see when I closed my eyes was blonde haired, blue-eyed... and what I thought was stuck in my past.

That is until she turned up again. I almost died on the spot when I'd seen her. I couldn't believe my eyes, and almost had to pinch myself. It was almost like seeing a ghost, but I know somehow that she was still alive all this time, just... somewhere out there, living her life. I tried not to think about it too much, actually, at least while I wasn't alone. When I was alone it was easier, I didn't have to explain away a wistful lonely expression, or my sad eyes as I lived in my own teenage memories. Like I said, _pathetic,_ right?

Katie tried to understand, but could never see the reasoning as to why I more or less refused to get over her.

"Haven't you ever been in love, Katie?" I asked. "I mean, really?"

Katie's ideas about love were different, anyway. She was happy with a bloke who had a decent sized cock and lavished her with flowers and shit like that, at least she was back in college. She had done a bit of growing up, though, and her priorities became different after Freddie was murdered. Her and Effy sorted their differences out after that, and I guess they helped each other get over the loss of our floppy haired skater friend. They became extremely close, and it bemused all of us, because they'd been at odds all though college. But I guess it takes a tragic incident to bring some people closer together.

I wonder if the same could be said about me and Naomi?

Nah... it couldn't could it? I mean... we're older now, and it's old history...

_But she said she still thinks about you... almost __**every**__ day, she said_. Surely she couldn't be pining for you as much as you have been for her in the past five years, she did mention a girlfriend for part of that time. I wonder what she looks like...

_Stop it, Emily. It's not going to help._

I don't know whether I felt a bit of closure, knowing what happened five years ago. I mean, it fit now, why she had left. I know she was always so scared of hurting me, but didn't she know that leaving made it a thousand times _worse?_ If she'd stayed... oh, _if only_. What good is 'if only' going to do now?

I hadn't heard from her since we'd had dinner. I had been busy with work, needing to do a couple of extra days because another teacher had called in sick. I wouldn't mind so much, if instead of having me fill in when other staff were sick, they would just put me on full time. I needed to have that discussion with my boss...

The thought of Naomi being at a loose end all alone tugged at me, though. While I knew she was independent enough to need her space, I couldn't help but want to make sure she was ok. Naomi might have dealt Gina a lot of contempt back then, but she did tell me in a quiet moment that she was grateful for all the moodiness and bullshit Gina had borne throughout her childhood and teenage years. I suppose, then, that it's why I found myself standing on the doorstep in front of the faded yellow that I so fondly remembered. I knocked, hearing a commotion from inside. I bit my bottom lip as I heard cursing and something being kicked.

"Goddamned fucking-" She muttered, as she opened the door. Her expression changed to one of surprise, her eyes widening slightly as she saw me standing on the doorstep. "Emily...hi."

I smiled softly. "Hi... I haven't caught you at a bad time again, have I?"

"Huh?" She replied, looking confused before her eyebrows unfurrowed themselves. "_OH!_ Uh...no... Sodding boxes, y'know? Always in the way."

"Ah, right. Still packing stuff?"

Naomi nodded. "Unfortunately there's_ more_ of it than I thought. But... I can do with a breather. Come in?" She asked.

"Sure, thanks." I replied, as I walked past her and inside the house.

She closed the door behind me as I shrugged off my jacket and hung it on the coat rack. "Can I get you some tea?" She asked.

"Please, I'd love some."

We made our way through to the kitchen, and Naomi set about making some tea for the two of us. Once it was made, she set the cups between us and sat down across from me.

"Thanks." I said, holding the warm cup in my hands. "So...how have you been?"

Naomi shrugged. "As well as, I suppose. You?"

"Busy with work. Covering days for teachers who call in sick."

"Oh. Well, at least you get paid, right?" Naomi asked.

"Yeah, but I'd prefer if they are going to suck up my free days every week, that they just put me on full time... saves me cancelling plans when I make them." I explained.

"Ah, I see."

We sat quietly for a few moments before the silence became a little uncomfortable and I spoke again to break it. "How are you, Naomi... I mean..._really?_ Are you coping ok?"

She exhaled slowly and gave me a weak smile. "Trying to. Sorting stuff out is keeping me occupied, but... it's double edged. It's all her stuff, and all I can think about is how I left it too long." She explained, her voice quiet.

"Left what too long?"

She looked right into my eyes, and I could see her wide-eyed sadness mirrored in her blue pools. "Coming home." She said. "I've not been back here since I _left_, Emily. Not even to visit her." She added, her eyes drifting down to her hands.

"Oh." I replied. She looked up at me, and her expression actually hurt to look at. It hurt even more than finally finding out why she had left did. Even though it hurt, it tugged at my sympathies, and I stood up, and she watched me curiously as I moved behind her and leaned over her shoulders, embracing them tightly from behind. Her hand reached up and rested on my wrist, gripping it tightly as her shoulders began shaking.

"I don't deserve it, Emily..." She croaked, voice thick again with emotion.

"Oh, shut up." I said. "For once, Naoms... Stop punishing yourself and allow yourself some sympathy." I added, my old nickname for her slipping out. Habits of a lifetime...

"I miss her so much, Emily." Naomi said, breaking down again.

"I know." I whispered, as I kissed her temple softly and tightened my arms around her. "I know."

I held her as she calmed down, and began to wipe her eyes. "Look at me, I'm a complete twat." She muttered.

"No, you're grieving. There's a difference." I said, making to release my hold on her, but she still held my wrist in her hand. I sat down in the chair adjacent to her, and took her hand in mine, squeezing it gently. "Do you want a hand? Going through Gina's things?"

She looked at me with surprised blue eyes. "Y-you'd do that?" I nodded. "Why? After all I've done to you...why?"

I shrugged. "Can't hold grudges forever, Naomi. Well... not really a grudge _as such_, just...look. Let's not talk about that now, yeah? If I give you a hand, it might not seem so daunting, and it will get done quicker."

She nodded. "I guess you're right."

By the end of the afternoon, we had gone through all the stuff downstairs, and whatever Naomi didn't want to keep was boxed up for charity, because, as Naomi noted, Gina would have wanted anything Naomi didn't want to keep to go to someone less fortunate. I smiled, because it was so like Gina to give that instruction. The woman seriously had a heart of gold, and I knew I felt richer inside for having known her, and while I was sad she was gone, I couldn't even begin to feel as bad as Naomi did about it all. But that's life, however cruel it can be...

Eventually, her and I went upstairs and stood in front of Gina's bedroom door.

"Kieran said he couldn't do it. Go through her personal stuff." Naomi said, her voice hollow. "I'm not sure I can right now, either."

We stood there a little while longer, and I could tell Naomi was having an internal argument with herself over whether to just go in and get it over with or not. I knew it was getting to her when it looked like she was going to chew through her bottom lip entirely. I reached for her hand and toook it firmly in mine, squeezing it. "Hey... if you're not ready... it doesn't have to be now, yeah? We can leave it for another day."

"I..." Naomi choked out, before swallowing. "I can't do it alone, Ems. Would you mind coming back another day to help me?"

I looked up at her, to find her staring back at me with a timid, but hopeful expression. I nodded. "Of course I will. She meant something to me _too_, you know?"

"I know."

She gripped my hand in her own, and I think it was comforting to the both of us. We went back downstairs, and it was getting late, so I decided it was probably best I left. Naomi helped me put on my jacket as I was leaving.

"Thanks for stopping by... You've been good company." She said, quietly.

I nodded. "No problem, anytime. I_ mean_ it, Naomi... if you need someone... I'm just a text or a call away, yeah?"

"Yeah, I know."

"That's what friends are for." I said. "And...we're friends...right?"

She looked at me a little skeptically, biting her bottom lip again, and my stomach flipping slightly at one of her many mannerisms I've never forgotten. She then nodded, and gave me a weak smile. "Yeah, I guess we are."

"Good." I smirked. "Now... give me a friendly hug, and I'll be on my way."

One half of her lips curved upwards in a smile and she pulled me in close for a hug that probably lasted a good number of seconds longer than it should have. But, how could it not, when her embrace was so bloody_ familiar_ to me? I kissed her cheek softly, and said goodbye with a wave, zipping up my jacket and letting my feet take me back home.

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**A/N#2: Leaving it there, for the time being.**

**I guess after five years apart, the instinct is still the same, no?**

**Happy new year to you all... review if you wish.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	4. The Box Of Memories

**A/N: Greetings and happy new year to everyone, I hope you are all over your various hangovers and such. I didn't get hungover, but I got very shitfaced and passed out, only to get up and see the new year in mostly sober. **

**Anyway. More of this little tale. Boxes of memories, old acquaintances and invitations. Sums it up, mostly.**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. It's fucking hot, and it's not even 9am yet...argh. Any and all typographical errors were spat out by my laptop and not my creative mind.**

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**(Naomi POV)**

(The next morning...)

I've been tossing and turning all night, because I don't know why Emily isn't_ more_ angry with me. Maybe she is, and she is hiding it well, and I'm not paying enough attention to it to notice properly. I really can't say for sure. But I know she has been a big help to me, without her needing to. Maybe she's not mad at me at all, maybe she understands why I did what I did... She says we're friends, so _maybe_ she has forgiven and forgotten? I really don't know what is more mind-consuming at the moment... dealing with mum's effects, or thinking about why Emily hasn't torn strips off me.

And why did she just show up out of the blue yesterday? I've been avoiding contacting her, to be truthful about it, because I just don't know what to say to her. It's always been a bit complex, me and Emily. It was when we were in college, and most of that, I will admit, was down to me. Now that I've seen her again, it's a little confusing, and a little depressing. Confusing because so much time has passed, and every time I've seen her it's like none of it has. I half expected us to probably end up in bed with each other yesterday, like nothing had happened, like I had never left.

What if I had never left? Could I have got over myself, pulled my finger out and been with her then? Would we still be together? Bloody maybe territory, all of it, isnt it? The sort of thinking that runs you around in circles and gets you nowhere.

I'm not even sure we can be friends now. If I'm constantly thinking what we were to each other, and how deeply we cared for one another, I'm guessing I'm not the only one. I might be the one who fled, but I'm _also_ the person who slipped through Emily's fingers, and when we were teenagers, she was very determined when it came to me. It makes me wonder if she is still the same, if she still has that same tenacity and urge to get what she wants.

I roll over and look at the clock, but it's barely past 5am. Fucking _great_. Another sleepless night, the likes of which I'm racking up fairly quickly, at this rate. I have not slept well since Jules and I parted ways. In fact, the last couple of months since I lost my job have been nights _filled_ to the brim with insomnia. Emily only found me in that coffee shop because after seeing the lawyers I could barely keep awake, and needed a coffee to prop me up. I'm not sure why I didn't just let her go that day. Oh, _right_... I promised myself I'd try and make it right if I saw her again... no matter how daunting and impossible that task seemed.

I pulled back the duvet and got out of bed, slipping on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that I pulled out of the drawer. I went to my wardrobe and opened the doors, scanning the contents. My eye caught what I was looking for, and I reached up to pull it out. It was a square shaped black box, that had its lid taped on all four sides. I took the box out and closed the doors, opening the door to my room and going downstairs to the kitchen. I turned on the light, as it was still a bit dark, and placed the box on the kitchen table. I put the kettle on and made myself some tea, before sitting down in front of the box with a small knife.

I stared at the box for a long time. I hadn't set eyes on it in five years, and I didn't remember the detail of everything that was in it, only that it contained the remains of me and Emily. I'd tried _hard_ to forget what she had meant to me, but even being with another woman _hadn't_ allowed me to forget the first girl I ever loved. I had figured it out a while ago, that I may not ever truly _forget_ Emily, though not for want of trying. It was like some part of me had fused itself to her when we were teenagers, and no amount of time or forgetting she existed would change that. The other thing I knew, was that I wasn't sure that opening the box would help my current state.

I'd apologised to Emily, that much was true, but I still felt so horrible about the way I'd left her. I knew it was cruel then, but I didn't care... I was too scared of what she meant to me to be rational and calm about it. Getting into uni was one thing, but leaving everything behind... that was the rash snap decision that I now sorely regretted, and since mum's death, I had been sinking further into depression than I wanted to admit. The only friend I really had at the moment was the one person whom I'd fled from, the one person who didn't deserve the repercussions of my stupid actions back then.

I had been trying to keep my distance from Emily, because I didn't know what she wanted. I didn't even know what I wanted, as such. I felt there was still so much we had to talk about, and I think she felt much the same way. But before I could think of what to do next, my phone rang, Jules' name showing up on the caller ID. I answered the call.

"Hey." I said.

"_Still not sleeping, hun?_" She asked.

"No." I replied. "Sleep is a distant memory lately."

"_I'm sorry. How is everything in Bristol?_"

I sighed. "It's been... well, an experience, really. I ran into a few old friends."

"_Really? Wow, Campbell... I'm surprised you had friends!_" Jules joked.

"Ha fucking ha, Jules."

"_C'mon then... who did you run into?_"

I bit my bottom lip, because I wasn't sure I was ready to tell Jules just who I had met up with. Not that she didn't know who Emily was, but telling your ex you'd run into the person who essentially holds your heart in the palm of their hand, well... awkward much?

"_Naomi?_"

"Huh? Oh, sorry..." I replied. "Uh... Effy. And... Jules... we're still friends, yeah?"

"_Of course! Listen, babe... I don't hold any grudges over what happened with us... You love me, but your heart isn't after me... I understand. Actually, I think I've always known._"

"Jules..."

"_It's ok, babe._" Jules replies. "_Really. So, c'mon... who else did you run into?_"

"Promise me you won't be mad."

"_Naomi..._"

I sighed again. "Fine. I ran into the last person I expected to run into."

Jules was silent for a moment. "_Oh. You mean Emily?_"

"See, I knew you would be upset..."

"_What? No! I'm not... well, maybe a tad bit jealous, but... Look, I know what she means to you, Naomi._"

"Nothing's happened, if you must know... we've just talked, that's all." I explained.

"_I'm surprised she's given you the time of day given what you told me about how you left._" Jules replied.

"Yeah, so am I. Once she heard about Gina, though..."

"_Oh, sweetie... I'm really sorry about your mum, Naomi. From what you told me of her, she sounds like she was a wonderful woman._"

"She was." I said, simply. I looked at the box in front of me, and gently ran my fingertips over the lid. "Listen, Jules... I'm gonna go."

"_Are you ok, hun?_" She asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Yeah, yeah... I just... I'm glad you called, yeah? Take care of yourself."

"_I will, don't you be a stranger... call me soon?_"

"Sure. Bye, Jules."

"_Bye, Naomi._"

I ended the call and placed my phone on the table, picking up the small knife. I cut three of the slices of tape and lifted the lid on my past.

I didn't remember there being this much stuff in such a small box. Mostly photos, most of me and Emily, but a few of all of us, and only one that included Freddie. The funny part about that one, was that Effy was standing in between him and Cook, and the three of them actually looked fairly happy. It must have been taken before that particular love triangle became complicated. I picked up my phone out of habit, and then put it back down again. There were a couple of problems with me wanting to phone Effy and apologise for being a standoffish prick. For one, it was way too bloody early, and I know Effy didn't do bloody early, unless she had changed dramatically. Second, I realised I didn't even know her number. Even though it was early, it was nearing six am, which is probably a more socially acceptable time to get someone out of bed, if there ever was such a concept. I settled for sending a text message instead.

"_Hey. Can I get Effy's number off you? And...sorry if I woke you up. xxNxx_"

I sent the message and went back to the box of things. I didn't realise I'd kept so many of these things. Mostly photos, but odd little things, too. Little handwritten notes in Emily's handwriting. A love heart made from Lego, which Emily had made me one day out of her brother's Lego when he wasn't playing with it. It was soppy, but it was just something that Emily would have done. I closed my eyes, remembering the adorably gorgeous but shy smile she had on her face when she gave it to me. The way she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth out of nervousness. I could picture it clearly in my mind, as thought she were standing in front of me now, all warm brown eyes and bright red hair.

I'm not even sure why she still kept it that colour. She had told me once that she had dyed it that colour wanting to break away and be a bit more individual. Not only was her mother not impressed with her rebelliousness, but Katie got so offended that people might now notice Emily and not her, that she immediately copied her and then claimed it was her idea to begin with. Katie had obviously grown out of it, but god knows why Emily still kept it up. I made a mental note to ask her the next time I saw her.

I was broken out of my thoughts by my phone vibrating on the table. I picked it up and answered it.

"Hi."

"_Hi!_" Emily replied. "_You didn't wake me up, I start at 830, so I was already up and about._"

"Oh, good. I'm glad I didn't interrupt your sleep." I said.

_"You wanted Effy's number?_"

"Uh...yeah. I sort of need to apologise for the other day."

"_Oh. Well, you know Effy, she will tell you not to worry about it. I think she understands what you've been going through._" Emily said.

"I know, but... it'll make me feel a bit better. Plus, I have something she might want." I said, looking down at the photo.

"_Oh, alright. Look, I'll text you her number, yeah? Just... don't ring before about ten, she is comatose before then, usually._"

I nodded to myself. "Thanks, I'll probably text her first."

"_Not a problem._" Emily said. "_And you...how are you, Naomi?_" She asked, after a short pause.

I sighed. "Tired, I didn't sleep much." I admitted.

"_Mmm. Have you been sleeping at all?_"

"Not terribly well." I replied. I didn't really want to bother her with this. "I might nap or something later."

"_You hate napping, though._" Emily said, which was true, I did hate napping, because it took a couple of hours out of the daylight, and then you can't sleep properly at night.

"You remembered."

"_I told you, Naomi... There's not much I've forgotten about you. Or us._"

I was silent for a few seconds. "I know." I said, quietly. I hadn't forgotten either... "Listen, I'd better let you go, I don't want to interrupt more of your morning routine..."

A soft chuckle came over the line. "_You're never interrupting, ok? I asked because I care, Naomi. Alright?_"

"Ok." I replied. "Uh, look, whenever you've got some free time... D'you mind coming round? I want to show you something."

"_Sure! I'm free after about three today, so I can stop by after work?_" Emily replied.

"Alright... I'll probably be here, but if anything changes, I'll text you."

"_Great._"

"Ok. See you, Emily."

"_Bye._"

I ended the call and closed the box. A few minutes later, my phone buzzed with a text from Emily with Effy's number in it. I opened up a new text, and typed out a message.

"_Eff, it's Naomi. Call me? I promise I won't be a cunt this time. xxNxx_"

I sent the message, and got up, draining the remnants of my tea, and then went back upstairs to lie down for a little while. Who knows, maybe sleep might claim me, instead of avoiding me like I was a plague...

* * *

Well, it still avoided me like the plague, but I finally gave up trying to sleep when my phone began to vibrate on the bedside table. I checked the display, but didn't recognise the number.

"Hello?" I asked, as I answered the call.

"_Naomi._" Came the stoic reply.

"Eff?"

"_Yes._"

"Hi. Uh...if you're not busy today, would you mind coming around? I need to talk to you."

"_Give me an hour and I'll be there._" She replied.

"Ok...thanks."

So, about an hour later, there was a knock at my door. I opened it, and Effy was casually leaning against the doorframe. "You really need to do something about Gina's garden, Naoms... She'd have a fit to see it neglected like this..." She smirked.

"Still Effy, aren't you?" I sniped back. "Come in." I stepped aside to let her pass, and followed her into the kitchen. "Cuppa?"

"Thanks." Effy replied. "So? To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, uh..." I said, pouring out two cups of tea from the already boiled kettle. "Uhm... I guess I wanted to apologise for-"

"You? Apologise? Who the fuck are you, and _what_ have you done with Naomi Campbell?" She joked, as she wrapped her hands around the warm cup.

I rolled my eyes. "Eff... please. This is hard enough, yeah? I am sorry for being a cunt, but you just caught me on a really bad day." I explained.

"Mmm...Emily mentioned something about Gina's estate?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I'd been out to transfer the house into my name...legal stuff. It was also the same day I'd seen Emily, and... I guess you were just the last straw that day. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so rude."

Effy shook her head. "I get it, Naomi. I've lost people close to me, as well."

I nodded. "I'm aware."

We sat silently for a few moments, and I know I wasn't quite sure what to say next. Thankfully, Effy took up the slack.

"So... Are you back for good?"

"For the time being, it seems. Not much in London to go back to." I replied.

"Oh?"

I shrugged. "No job, no flat, no girlfriend."

"I see. Well, you own a house, now..."

"True, but it's _not_ the way I wanted to own it, Eff." I said, sadly.

"I know. And I meant what I said that day, Naoms... I am sorry about Gina. We'd all heard about the robbery from Katie, you see...she works on the same street. But Katie being Katie, it was all about how it affected Katie..." Effy explained.

"Yeah, I can imagine." I replied. "Emily tells me the two of you are close these days?"

"Correct."

"Makes a change from slagging each other off and using rocks to do your talking?"

"_Ha._" Effy replied, an eyebrow raising above the eyes that almost mirrored my own. "She kept me together after Freddie, you know? I don't think I'd be here _without _her sometimes."

"And that's it? No shenanigans?"

Effy shook her head. "It's never been like that. We love each other, yes, but it's platonic. Purely. You're _still_ the only one of us to ever have shagged a Fitch."

The two of us laughed at that, and it actually felt good for a change, I felt a little lighter, even if only for a few moments.

"Look, I found something this morning, and I don't know if you'd want it, but I had to ask..." I said, standing up and leaving the room briefly, coming back with the photo I had found earlier. I handed it to her and she took a glance at it, tracing over the figures in the photo.

"Wow. When was this taken?" Effy asked.

"I'm not sure, it was never dated. Judging from the length of my hair, though, I'd put it somewhere between first and second year of college." I said.

"Amazing. We all look so..."

"Happy?" I offered. "Yeah, I thought that, too. I was going through an old box of my stuff, and amongst all the other photos, there was that one. I thought you might like to have it."

"You don't want it?" Effy asked.

I shook my head. "I've got enough memories up here." I replied, tapping my temple with my finger. "Besides, I can't keep _everything_..." I added, trailing off.

Effy raised her eyebrow. "What _else_ was in the box, Naoms?"

I said nothing for a moment, and then sighed. I couldn't tell her it was the box, becausee she probably wouldn't know what that meant on its own. "It's the box I packed everything into before I left... everything of mine and Emily's."

"Oh." Effy replied. "And what made you open it?"

"I couldn't sleep... nostalgia...stupidity? I really don't know, Eff." I said.

We remained silent for a few minutes before Effy spoke again. "She never got over you leaving, you know?"

I nodded. "I figured as much. It wasn't what I wanted, but..."

"What _DID_ you want at the time, Naomi?" Effy asked.

I shrugged. "I was _terrified_ of her, Eff. She would never have hurt me, I knew that. She loved me to _pieces, _and I knew _that._ Yet I was scared of letting myself go completely with her. Because I knew that if it all went to shit, I could _never_ get myself back again. The person I was before Emily came into my life."

"So you broke her heart, why... because you were scared to let go?" Effy asked.

"I was scared to be who I am, Eff. It took me another two years to accept myself. I didn't want Emily to have to weather my indecision about myself, it might have hurt her more if I'd stayed." I sighed. "I couldn't get myself back anyway, as it turned out. Emily changed me."

"Oh, you don't know how wrong you are, Naoms." Effy said. "Your leaving hurt everyone, not just Emily."

"I know." I said, quietly. "I can't change it, Eff. I wish I could, but time machines don't exist."

"So what do you call all this, then? Trying to make things right?"

I shrugged. "I told myself after I came back to Bristol, that if I ever ran into Emily again, no matter what the circumstances, that I would at least apologise and try and make it right. Obviously I can't turn back the clock, but at least I can try and... I don't know... make up for my actions in the past?" I explained.

"_Bullshit_... you just feel guilty." Effy stated.

I looked at her, that cool blue gaze boring right back into my eyes. "Ok, _fine_. I feel fucking guilty."

"No argument?"

"You already know, so why bother arguing?" I replied, raising my eyebrow. "Still have that sixth sense, then?"

Effy smirked. "There's the Campbell I remember."

"Oh, _fuck off._" I scoffed.

"How was London?"

"London was... an experience, I suppose."

"You mentioned a girlfriend."

"_Ex_-girlfriend. Yeah, Jules. Nice girl." I said, thinking briefly of my now close friend, as opposed to girlfriend.

"What happened?" Effy asked, cool blue eyes staring into me.

I hesitated for a moment before I said anything. "We were better off being friends, in the end. I loved her, but... not completely."

"Ah." Effy said. "Have you ever?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "Ever what?"

"Loved anyone as completely as you loved Emily?" She asked back, with a raised eyebrow.

I stared hard at her for a long moment. "I don't have to answer that..." I said, quietly. "_Do I?_" I added, raising my own eyebrow.

"No." Effy smirked. "I can still read you like a book, Naoms."

"Yeah, you were always good at that." I said, sarcastically.

Effy stood up and pocketed the picture. "Thanks." She said. "I'll see myself out?"

"Thanks for coming by."

"No problem. Don't be a stranger, yeah?" Effy said, as she did her stereotypical float-out-the-door routine.

* * *

At about half three, the doorbell went again. I hurriedly put the photos I was looking at back in their box, and stood up. "Coming." I called.

I got to the door, turned the knob, and it swung open to reveal Emily. She looked up at me with a shy smile from under a black knit beanie. "Hi." She said, her voice as husky as it always seemed to be. I felt warm all over with her just looking at me. Christ.

"Hi."

"I'm not late, am I?" She asked, cutely biting her bottom lip. Fuck. Stop it, brain. You don't know if she still feels the same way.

I shook my head. "No, not at all. Come in..." I said, stepping aside to let her in. I took her jacket and hung it up, and she followed me into the kitchen.

"Would you like something to drink...tea, or...?"

"Sure." Emily replied as she sat down. I was really just stalling for time, I know I had asked Emily to come so I could show her the box, but didn't know how to broach the subject. I mulled it over for a moment, as I poured water over tea bags. "...show me?" Emily said. What? Fuck... I've zoned out again...

"Hmm?" I asked, placing the cups of tea between us and sitting opposite her. "Sorry...in my own world."

"It's alright." Emily nodded. "You said you had something to show me?"

Right, looks like I wasn't going to have to bring it up after all. I cleared my throat. "Uh, yeah... but...tea first, yeah?" Emily nodded, and we sat quietly for a few moments, until my eyes drifted to the other room where I had placed the box. They drifted back to Emily, who looked at me with concern in her eyes. My shoulders slumped. "_Fuck_ _it._" I muttered, getting up and retrieving the box, sitting opposite her again and placing the box between us. I stared at it for a moment, knowing that the contents of this box could either not change a thing, or open up a can of worms. But it's what the worms will do that worried me more.

"A box?" Emliy asked, placing her cup of tea down.

I nodded. "Not just any box." I said, swallowing hard. "Open it." I said, whispering the two hardest words I might say all day.

Emily reached for the box and pulled it towards her. It was just a simple shoe box covered in black construction paper, the sides of which I'd taped up with duct tape before I'd left Bristol. It looked a little dusty, because of the half inch thick layer of dust I'd had to wipe off it before I opened it myself. Emily carefully lifted the lid of the box, and looked inside. "Oh my... you _kept_ this?" She asked, pulling out the heart that she had put together out of Lego. I nodded, and she traced her fingertips over the moulded plastic.

"I couldn't sleep this morning...actually, I've not slept well since... well, anyway, beside the point. I found it in my cupboard... and now, I couldn't even tell you why I boxed it all up and didn't throw it out." I paused. "I thought Gina might've..." I stopped again, swallowing hard. "_Christ._"

"I don't know what to say, Naomi..." Emily said quietly.

"I don't even know why I'm showing you... it's not like it _changes_ what I did to you. I know nothing can do that. It's the one thing I regret." I mumbled. "But I _must_ have kept it all for a reason, I suppose... at least that's what Gina would have said." I stopped speaking as I noticed Emily was engrossed in looking through the photos and other bits and pieces that I had kept. Reminders of a different time, when I was as besotted with her as she was with me. I might have been confused for a very long time, but I knew now that the one constant thing in all my confusion was Emily herself. She was _always_ there, and it didn't matter if I was pushing her away or drawing her closer to me. She _never_ gave up, whereas I hadn't just given up, I'd run away the first chance I had, because I couldn't handle the way I felt about her.

The last note she reached was the simple reminder she had written on a post-it the first time we had spent the night together. '_Emily slept here :-)_', it read. We did nothing more than sleep in the same bed, trashed on vodka, but it was still so sweet now, the memory of her body so warm next to mine. I wanted so badly to reach out the next morning and pull her body to mine, but I was too scared of how she might react. _Stupid_, in hindsight, but still...

A sniffle broke me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Emily's big brown eyes brimming with unshed tears. I lowered my head a little. "I'm sorry." I muttered. "I didn't want to upset you."

Her hand met mine, as I fiddled with the placemat. I looked back up to see her weakly smiling at me. "You _didn't_. I'm just overwhelmed, ok? I didn't expect you to have kept any of this."

I sighed long, and then took another deep, steeling breath. "I _never_ forgot about you, Emily. I've always thought of you, and I've always cared about you. I know it _doesn't_ seem like that, given what I did, and I've got a fucked up way of showing it. But, I was a mess at the time. I'm not much better now, really... but I was confused then, about myself, which I think is possibly _more_ frustrating than grief, I'm not sure." I explained. "If I could have known then what I know now... Fuck, that's _such_ a cliché, but it's the _truth_... I'd have stayed with you, because that was where I _belonged_... I loved you so much, I shouldn't have left. I guess I failed us both, and I'm sorry." I said, my words half choked at the end of my speech. Tears filled my own eyes now, because I hated myself for being such an idiot. "Oh, _Christ._" I whispered, before swallowing hard again.

Emily stood up and stepped next to me, pulling me upwards and crushing me in a tight hug. Like I'd never left, I grabbed onto her tight and sighed deeply. She held me for several long moments, and then gently pulled away. She looked into my eyes, tear tracks visible down her own cheeks. "Thank you." She said, her voice husky with emotion.

I laughed, humourlessly. "Isn't it _me_ who should be thanking you?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I'd always hoped you would come back one day and tell me why you had left. I know the circumstances weren't ideal, but I'm glad you haven't shied away from it. I think you've grown up a bit, Campbell."

I shrugged. "I _did_ do a lot of growing up in London, I guess. I think it was something I had to do... but I still regret how I left you behind. It wasn't fair on either of us."

"You should have talked to me." Emily said.

I nodded. "_I know._"

She leaned up to kiss me softly. "I accept your apology, Naomi. That's not to say I forgive you completely, I still need a bit of time to process it... But I don't want you thinking that after five years I'm still mad at you. It's been good to see you again, if I'm honest about it."

"Yeah, it's been good seeing you, too. And... I can't thank you enough for the time you've spent with me. It really means a lot to me."

"Naomi, you know I wouldn't do anything less for you but be here. In spite of our past history... I still care about you as a friend."

I smiled weakly, and shook my head. "Have you _always_ been this perfect, Emily Fitch?"

She half closed her eyes and looked up at me with a shy smile. "I'm by no means perfect, Naomi... but where you are concerned, I make a lot of exceptions."

My brow furrowed. "Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

Emily looked upwards and then back to my eyes. "I hope it's a good thing."

"Hmm... me too." I replied.

We remained in our little embrace for a few moments longer, not quite long enough to make it awkward. We sat down to finish our tea, and then Emily looked at me a little awkwardly. "Are you busy on Saturday night?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No, why?"

"Feel free to say no... but Katie is coming back from Tahiti, and we are having a little get together. Just a few drinks, you know, maybe dinner...nothing big. Would you like to come?"

I bit my bottom lip. "Who else is coming?"

"Me, Effy, Katie and you, if you're up to it. I won't be offended if you say no, though."

I felt uncomfortable at the idea of me, Effy and Katie being in the same location, along with Emily. "Uh... on one condition." I said.

"Which is?"

I swallowed. "I can leave anytime I want." I said. "I...I get anxious a bit, lately. It wouldn't be anything personal."

Emily nodded. "Right, I understand. Ok... if you need to leave, I won't be offended." She said, reassuring me.

She left not long after that, taking my little box of memories with her. They were half hers, anyway, so I figured she deserved a little time with them after they had been in my cupboard for so many years. She promised she would bring them back to me once she had looked over them all.

Now, I had a Saturday night to get through... that was going to be interesting. I had a feeling of nervousness in my stomach already.

* * *

**A/N#2: Oooh...Interesting, no?**

**More soon... have a vague idea what's happening next...**

**Review if you wish.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	5. Escape Clause

**A/N: Chapter 5 of this one, then... **

**It's the night of the little soirée Emily invited Naomi to... but Naomi is... well, she's less and less... well, I'm just going to let you read it.**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. I'm sensing a running theme in my stories lately, which is either a good or bad sign... Any and all typos...eh, whatever!**

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

(Saturday afternoon...)

I hurried through the railway station, I was running late, and god forbid Katie Fitch not be met when she gets off the train from London.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, the train now arriving on platform three is the 315pm train from London. This train terminates here, all passengers please detrain._"

Christ! I made it to the platform just as Katie was stepping off the train with her luggage.

"Hi, Katie. How was Tahiti?"

"_Fantastic_, Emsy! Sun, sand, surf and men for miles around." Katie said, handing me one of her suitcases, that felt like it weighed an absolute tonne.

"Jesus, did you stock up on _every_ single shoe in the country as well?" I asked, almost struggling to pick up the suitcase and set it on its little wheels. Katie laughed as we exited the platform and made our way out of the station.

"How has everything been, Emsy?" Katie asked, as we got into my car.

"Good...work has been busy, they're still short on staff so I've been taking extra days." I said.

"If they're going to keep doing that-"

"They need to put me on full time. Yes, I know. I'm going to talk to the headmaster on Monday." I said, completing her sentence.

"It's not right they take advantage of you like that, Ems." Katie said, shaking out her hair and checking her mobile as I pulled away from the kerb. "D'you know if Effy's at home?"

"She's gone to see Anthea, but she'll be back for drinks tonight."

"Right." Katie replied.

"Uh...about drinks tonight... I sort of invited someone." I said, nervously.

"Oh, who?"

I hesitated briefly, because I wasn't sure whether it would be better to tell her, or better to just leave it as a surprise. But, something told me it would be better to just get it over with. "Naomi."

"_What?!_" Katie asked, shocked. "Why the fuck would you do that? She broke your heart, Emsy!"

I nodded. "I know she did, Katie." I said, calmly. "But I understand why, now. She's explained it to me."

"Oh, so after she leaves without a word and turns up five years later, she is forgiven?"

"I _didn't_ say that, Katie. I just said I understand why she left. I think I always did, actually." I said.

Katie rolled her eyes. "You two. Always such_ suckers_ for each other. I swear you're going to die together, and the two of you won't have a care in the world because you're together and being all _soppy_ and making the rest of us vomit."

I laughed at that, partly because it was a ludicrous thought, and partly because...well, it wasn't really _that_ ludicrous, was it? At least, it might not have been five years ago... "I don't know whether that will happen, Katie. We're just friends."

"_Uh huh_. Don't bullshit me, Ems. I know you too well. The two of you are stupid for each other, you always were. You've _never_ stopped loving her, and you _know_ it."

I lowered my head and sighed. "I know." I said, quietly. "Just...promise me you won't give her a hard time? She's been through a lot lately."

"You mean Gina?"

I shook my head. "It's not just Gina dying that's got her down. She lost her job in London and broke up with her girlfriend all within the space of weeks of each other. It's almost like..."

"Like what?"

"Like she's starting again, but she's been railroaded into it. I don't think she's coping well at all, and it's not just Gina's absence that is affecting her."

"Oh." Katie said, surprised. "I honestly thought she didn't give a fuck. Not when she left, anyway. I'm surprised you even want to talk to her again."

I shrugged. "I was upset with her, yes. But... I've never hated her, Kay. I can't."

Katie sighed. "Alright. I'll be as civil as I can be." She said. "I could do with a shower and a quick kip, though. I feel all grungy after traveling so long. I had this wanker sitting next to me who snored all the way to Heathrow. AND, I was sitting right above the fucking engines... I swear, next time I travel...first class all the way."

I laughed as I pulled up at a set of lights.

"Nice to see the tropics hadn't mellowed you any, Kay."

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

It was about four o'clock when I received a text from Emily.

"_Hi, still coming tonight? xEmilyx_"

I sighed and tapped reply.

"_Um...can I still chicken out? xxNxx_"

My mobile then rang, Emily's name flashing on the screen. I answered it, of course.

"_Having second thoughts?_" Emily asked, softly.

"I've been in bed all day." I replied, automatically, then cringed. Nice response, Naomi...dignified. You know she knows you sleep naked, right?

"_Uh...ok..._"

"Sorry."

A soft chuckle greeted my ears. "_Don't be. I've just got home from picking Katie up from the station._"

"Ah. And how is your delightful twin?" I said, half sarcastically.

"_She's well... Got herself a nice tan and said that Tahiti was all sun, sand, surf and men._" She laughed.

I smiled. "Trust Katie Fitch to never change." I said, in a wry tone.

"_Ah, don't understimate her. She's a bit more mature now, but still has her bitchy moments._"

"How could I forget?" I said, having a brief, but not-so-enjoyable memory of the time Katie posed as Emily in order to warn me off.

"_Anyway..._" Emily said, "_...she has said she will be civil tonight. If you're still coming, that is?_"

I mulled it over for a moment. "I can leave anytime, right?"

"_Escape clause?_"

I frowned. "Something like that. I told you... I get anxious lately." I replied.

"_I remember._" Emily replied. "_How are you doing?_"

"I think being in bed all day is a sign I'm on the mend." I said, lightly. "Should be grinning like a fool again in no time."

"_Naomi..._" Emily started.

"Sorry. You know how I get flippant."

"_Mmhmm... You use sarcasm as your defense. I always found it sort of... cute, I suppose._"

"Cute?!"

"_In a way, Naomi. In a way..._" Emily said, softly. "_Really, though... how are you? I know I keep asking you, but... Well, I guess I worry a bit._"

"Why?" I asked. Shouldn't it be me worrying about me, not the girl I left behind?

"_Because I care about you._" Emily replied. There was a long pause as I took that in. "_Naomi?_"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry...I just..." I said, pausing again. "I just don't understand why, that's all. After all I've done-"

"_Naomi... It's in the past, yeah? This is the present, and I'm not going to __**not**__ care about you just because you broke my heart years ago. I'm not that sort of person, and I think you know it._" Emily explained. "_I'll never forget it, but I know you don't have much support right now, when you need it most... I'm not going to let what you did in the past affect me being a friend to you when you need one._"

I gave a long sigh. "I really do not deserve it, Emily. Any of it." I said. "But...I _AM_ grateful, so... thank you."

"_You don't have to thank me, Naoms._" Emily said.

"Yeah, I do. You've actually helped. A _lot._"

"_Well, I'm glad I could help._" Emily replied. "_Hey, listen... I've got to go, but I'll see you tonight? Even if you don't stay long... please make the effort?_"

"I'll try, Emily."

"_Ok. That's all I'm asking._" She said. "_See you later._"

"Bye."

I ended the call and placed the phone down next to me. The truth of it was, I'd barely left my room since the last time Emily had been here. I hadn't holed myself up like this since I was seventeen and Emily and I'd had a huge argument. Then, I didn't leave my room for three days, in spite of mum knocking on the door every couple of hours to make sure I was still alive. But this was different. There was no one else here to make sure I was ok, to try and rouse me at all. I was alone here, and I felt it, to the point where this hollow emptiness was growing and mutating inside me.

So, it was reluctantly that I got out of bed, and took a shower. The water should have felt good, but I think it barely registered on my skin. By the time I was standing in front of the wardrobe I'd finally managed to unpack, there wasn't much in the way of choice. I still had a lot of my stuff at Jules' new flat in London, as I wasn't entirely sure I was staying in Bristol, in spite of what I had told Effy. I settled for a blue pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, black Chucks and a blue checked shirt over the top. I didn't really care what Katie had to say about my attire, at least it wasn't bloody leopard print...

I turned up at the place Emily had texted me the details of, and to my surprise it looked to be more of a wine bar, than an actual pub. For a second I felt under dressed, but looking around, everyone seemed to be wearing casual, so I suppose I wasn't too far off the mark. I went inside and decided to at least get one drink in first, going up to the bar and getting the bartender's attention.

"What'll it be?"

"Uh...vodka on the rocks? Make it a double."

He nodded, and set about getting my drink. He served it to me, and I took a long sip, almost dropping the glass when I heard a husky voice beside me. "I thought you told me you didn't drink much anymore?"

I spun around to see Emily standing behind me, a soft smirk on her lips, and a gorgeous looking black cocktaiil dress fitted to her petite frame. I know my eyes went wide, I felt it. I wasn't completely sure if that was her intention, I mean...we're just friends, right? "Uh..." I stammered. Pull your bloody finger out, Campbell... "Hi. No. I don't so much anymore, but I've only just walked in, so-"

"Naomi..." Emily said softly, placing her hand on my arm. "I'm only joking, relax."

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "_Sorry._"

"No need to apologise."

I gave her a a weak smile. "You look gorgeous." I said, not thinking properly. _FUCK!_

She lowered her eyes and blushed as a small smile graced her lips. "Thank you." She replied. "You look nice, too."

I looked down at what I was wearing. "Pfft... I wasn't quite sure what to wear, really. I didn't bring much with me in the way of going out clothes."

"Either way, you look good." Emily said. "How are you feeling?" She asked, looking up at me with curious eyes.

I shrugged slightly. "Doing ok, so far."

"Anxious?"

"A little." I admitted.

Emily gave me a reassuring smile. "They'll be gentle, c'mon..." She said, taking my hand in hers and leading me through the bar. The atmosphere was subdued inside, all soft lighting and piano music. A far cry from Uncle Keith's hole-in-the-wall pub with its sticky floor and tobacco stains all over the walls. I noticed the surroundings, but not as much as my brain was overly noticing the fact that Emily was holding my hand delicately, almost as if she were afraid I would break. My brain finally caught up, as we made it to a booth in the corner, where Katie was chatting with Effy about something to do with her holiday.

"...You would have loved it, Eff, really... you should save up and come with next time!"

Effy looked up at both Emily and I, smirk firmly in place. Emily sat down in the booth first, and I slid in beside her. Katie looked me up and down as I did so, no doubt judging what I was wearing.

"Still shopping at dykes-r-us then, Campbell?" She smirked, sarcasm in her voice.

"Still supporting the_ slaughter_ of animals for fashion?" I sniped back, my eyes drifting down to her own outfit, which was typical of the jungle finery of Katie Fitch.

"Touché, bitch."

"_Katie..._" Emily warned.

"What? This is me being civil, Ems."

I swallowed nervously. "Hi, Eff."

"Naoms."

I watched them chat for a while, not really having much to say myself. I didn't realise I'd zoned out a bit until I felt Emily's hand grip mine as it sat on my thigh. I looked to her, and she looked back at me with concern in her eyes. I blinked, unsure of how to respond, when she squeezed my hand gently, and rubbed her thumb along mine. The action _was_ comforting, but with one awful difference. Have you ever had a feeling that you can't explain that just creeps up on you, and for all intents and purposes you just have to get out, and be somewhere else, because if you stay where you are, you won't be able to breathe? You feel like your heart races, everything spins out of control and something you can't explain is crushing everything out of you.

I could feel that feeling creeping up my spine as I sat there. I know Emily was trying to soothe it, to make it better, but when it grips you, a fear just takes over you and doesn't let go. I had to get out of there and breathe. It was just too much for me. I squeezed Emily's hand tightly once more, and then released it from my grip. I looked up at her, and her eyes showed me sympathy, like she just knew. "Excuse me." I mumbled, getting to my feet and sliding out of the booth.

"_Is she alright?_" I vaguely heard Katie lisp, as I made my way out of the bar and into the street. My steps were uneven, my heart raced and my stomach churned, and thank _Christ_ it's a Saturday night, no one is going to think twice of me leaning against the nearest tree while I narrowly avoid puking on my shoes. _Fuck_.

"_Jesus Christ_." I muttered to myself. A tissue appeared in front of me, held by petite fingers. I took it and wiped my face with it, straightening up and leaning against a low wall that was behind me.

"I'll be back in a sec, yeah? Don't go anywhere." I heard Emily say. I shook my head, and watched her walk in the direction of a convenience store. I closed my eyes and tried to keep breathing, to calm myself down. I hated what this shit was doing to me. Mum's death, being back here, feeling so alone... all of it was getting to me in a bad way, and I felt as though I was sinking deeper into quicksand.

I heard footsteps coming towards me. "Here, I got you some water." Emily said, opening the bottle and handing it to me.

I took a sip and swished it around my mouth, leaning over the wall and spitting it out again. I cleared my throat. "Thanks." I muttered.

"No problem." She replied, rubbing her hand up and down my back. I let her, because I didn't have any fight in me. I felt numb, and so awful that I didn't know what to do with myself. "Come on... I'll walk you home, ok?"

"You don't have to..." I protested, of course, in vain.

"No, but I want to make sure you get home alright." Emily replied.

So, I let her walk me home. She didn't prompt me to say anything, which I was grateful for, because the last thing I felt like, was talking. I'm not even sure how I was functioning, and it didn't even occur to me until Emily was sitting at the kitchen table across from me. I was looking down at my hands, when she eventually spoke.

"Is it getting worse?" She asked, and I looked up at her with curiosity. "The anxiety."

I looked back down at my hands, and then reluctantly nodded. "_Yeah._" I whispered. "It started when I lost my job. Everything's just... It all snowballed, didnt it? My job, Jules, mum..." I sighed. "I just don't know what to do now, Emily. One minute I was content and everything was going alright, and then... It's all a bit shit."

"How often does it happen?"

I shrugged. "More than it should, I suppose, by definition." I said. "I haven't been getting out that much, I..." I paused, choking back tears. "I think I've left this house twice all week."

"Keeping yourself cooped up isn't the answer, Naomi." Emily said, softly.

I nodded. "I know. But the past few days, it's been hard enough to leave my room, let alone the house." I said, honestly. Another look of sympathy came from Emily as she reached over the table and lightly gripped my hand in her own. "You should go, Emily. I don't want to interrupt your night anymore than I already have."

Emily shook her head. "Please... I've already heard the blow-by-blow of Katie's Tahiti experience, I'm a bit loathe to hear it again, to tell you the truth." She said. "All that talk of hot boys and their measurements...**_yuck_**. No thanks." She added, with a look of mock disgust.

The corner of my mouth turned upwards in a half-smile. "Sounds like Katie."

"She was concerned you left."

I scoffed. "Now you're just_ fucking_ with me."

Emily shook her head. "_No_. She's surprised you came back, and isn't too impressed you and I are talking again after what you did... But she doesn't hate you, Naoms. She's just looking out for me."

"Right."

"Effy gets it, though. She understands anxiety." Emily said. "She told me to come after you, and that she would explain it to Katie."

"Yeah, I know." I replied. "Great...so everyone knows I've got issues now." I said, flatly. "Wonderful."

"No one is judging you for it." She reassured me. "Not me, and especially not Effy. She knows what it's like. Katie will understand, because she's seen it from the outside."

I nodded, but didn't say anything. "We can't all be invincible, I suppose."

"No."

We sat silently for a little while longer, and I started to space out a little. "Sorry, I'm a bit tired... I should probably try and sleep." I said, quietly.

Emily nodded. "Will you be alright?"

I sighed, and then gave a slight shrug of my shoulders. "I don't have an answer for that."

She hesitated for a moment, and then bit her bottom lip. "I can stay...if you want."

I looked at her for what felt like a very long time, but was probably only seconds. "You don't-"

"I _know_ I don't have to, Naomi. You keep saying that. But the thing is, I want to. I worry about you, even though you think you don't deserve it. You're _hurting_, Naoms. I can see it. Christ, we can _ALL_ see it." She said, emotion tinging her voice.

"Ok." I said. "Stay, if you want to. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed... blankets are in the linen cupboard if you get cold." I added, standing up. "Goodnight." I said, softly. I'd almost got out of the room, when a warm hand linked with mine and stopped me in my tracks. I turned around and Emily slipped her arms around me, pulling me in close for a hug. Like always, I relaxed into it, because god knows why, but after all this time, and in spite of how rotten I felt inside, the arms of Emily Fitch were just as soothing to me as they had been five years ago.

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

I let Naomi go and take a shower. I found a blanket in the linen cupboard and spread it out over the sofa, kicking off my shoes and laying down, using a cushion for a pillow. I was drifting in and out of sleep when I felt a presence beside me. I opened my eyes, and I could just make out Naomi sitting on the floor by the sofa.

"Are you ok?" I asked, my voice a little rough from almost being asleep.

Naomi shook her head. "I can't sleep."

"Oh. Do you need me to sit with you a bit?" I asked.

She sighed softly. "Uh... I was wondering... if... and I understand if you say no..."

I looked at her curiously. "Just _tell_ me, Naomi." I said, softly.

She took another deep breath. "If it's not too much to ask... would you mind sleeping with me?" She asked, her voice low. "Just to _sleep,_ mind." She added, with both a timid voice and expression.

"Are you sure?" I asked, playfully.

"No, I mean..._shit_... I wouldn't do anyth-"

I smiled a cheeky smile and reached for her hand. "_Naomi_... I'm kidding. And, of course I will. I don't mind." I said, wriggling out from under the blanket. I stood up and stretched, following Naomi up to her room. It occurred to me that I hadn't been in it in five years, and I wondered what had changed. Not much, it seemed, apart from all the photos and such missing from the mirror, which were now in the shoebox that Naomi had given to me. Although, I considered it more of a loan, seeing as they were half _her_ memories, as well.

"Uhm... I got you a t-shirt and some shorts... I figured you wouldn't want to wrinkle your dress..." Naomi said, nervously.

"Oh. Thanks. Uh...I'll just go and change." I said, picking up the clothes off the end of Naomi's bed. "Bathroom still in the same place?" I smirked.

"Same place it's been since this place was built, I should expect." Naomi replied, pointing out the door.

I grinned, and walked out of the room. I shut the bathroom door behind me, and got undressed. I don't know if it was by design or just sheer coincidence, but the shirt Naomi had given me was the old one of hers with the photo of the pig on it. It was very faded by now, obviously having been worn a lot. It still had the small, penny sized hole in the front of it, and it still fit me about as well as it had the last time I had worn it. It was also the same shirt Naomi had worn at the lake, the first time we-

Emily...now is **_not_**the time!

I shook my thoughts clear, and folded up my dress, leaving the bathroom and going back to Naomi's bedroom, placing the dress on her desk. Naomi herself was sitting against her headboard, staring at her hands.

"It's not too _awkward,_ is it?" She asked, softly. "Asking you to-"

"Does it feel awkward to you?" I asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.

She shrugged. "I don't know. _Strange_, maybe." She said, as I pulled the duvet over me.

"Why strange?"

Again, she shrugged. "This bed could tell some stories."

I blushed. "I know _that_ as well as you do, Naomi." I replied. "Right now, though... You need to get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning, but I want you to _try_ and rest, ok?"

"Yeah." Naomi replied, quietly.

She shifted to lay on her side facing me and lay her head on the pillow. "I don't know how to thank you, Emily. For being here for me." She whispered.

"I'm sure I'll think of something." I joked.

"_Mmm._" Naomi murmured, as she closed her eyes. "You really are amazing, Ems."

I didn't respond to that, other than to lean over and kiss her forehead softly. Soon enough, she was asleep, and she had rested her head on my shoulder. I gently stroked her fringe as she slept. Naomi's vulnerability was surprising to me, because I'd never seen her this low. Sure, there had been times when we were together that she had argued with me, and been upset, but this was completely different. Death, unemployment and break-ups hadn't touched her then, and she still had her independent resolve to get up and keep going, no matter what.

Now, though... The fact that she seemed to be a shell of her former self tugged at my sympathies. I knew I _should_ still be mad at her for what she had done, but in my heart I found myself unable to be angry. Time hadn't healed everything... I missed her every day, and thought I could _never_ find love like that again. I knew when we were teenagers that she was it for me, and it still hadn't changed a single bit. Seeing her again was a shock, yes, but now the shock had faded, and I found myself _wanting_ to be there for her, however she wanted me. I wasn't going to push, because of how I had pushed her away to begin with, albeit unintenionally. If she wanted to make things right, then I would be open to whatever she wanted to do.

For now, though... sleep was consuming me, as it seemed to have done to her. If she needed someone to stay with her so she could sleep, then I wanted to be that person for her. If it led to more, so be it. If it didn't... then I'd still have to live with that, too. But I couldn't very well sit by and let her drown, could I? I knew that to do so would leave me unable to forgive myself, never mind forgiving her for her actions in the past.

* * *

**A/N#2: It's all a bit achey-of-the-heart, isn't it?**

**Collective sigh, everyone?**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	6. Furballs and Forgiveness

**A/N: So, Chapter six, then...**

**Not very talkative today, so...**

**On with it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. What a cunt. Any and all typos blah-de-blah forgive me?**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

The next morning, I woke up, and in that groggy, half-awake moment, I thought I was in a time warp. The last time I had woken up with Emily Fitch sleeping next to me was five years ago. I watched her sleep, briefly... She looked completely beautiful, in spite of the crumpled bed-hair. I had another moment of regret as I watched her sleep, because I felt so stupid for leaving her. Now that I'd seen her again, I realised it was a foolish thing to do. That's not to say I didn't know it at the time, but I was too confused and pre-occupied with running scared that I buried whatever else I had felt at the time.

Lying next to her now, though... _Christ_. I felt an ache inside me that I thought was long gone. The exact same feeling I had when I was lying next to her as a teenager. But this was different to waking up _then_... this was waking up _now_, and what I was thinking wasn't what I should be thinking about someone from my past who I'd hurt, who was being nothing more than a friend to me now. The guilt crept in again, and so did the sudden feeling that I didn't belong there.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to myself, before extracting myself carefully from under the duvet. Quietly I crept out of my room and went downstairs, making myself a coffee and going out into the back garden, sitting down on one of the old deck chairs that was still here, but long faded, now. I looked to the table and picked up the nearly empty cigarette packet, tapping one of the last two out, and lighting it. The perfect uni breakfast, assuming you can afford the bloody cigarettes.

So I sat, I smoked, and tried not to _think_. Tried _not_ to think of how awkward it felt being down here while Emily was still sleeping upstairs. Reminding myself that it was ridiculous to feel awkward about it because Emily wasn't _mine_ anymore. I don't know why she was being such a good friend, if I was her, I wouldn't have given me the time of day. But, deep down I knew Emily wouldn't budge in trying to help me a bit. I knew she was right, I didn't really have anyone anymore, not with all of my past friends alienated, and mum gone. Kieran was concerned, too, but he was settling in to life in Ireland now, and was getting on with things.

And me? I really didn't know what I was going to do next, that much that I had told was true. I really did not have much in London to go back to, Jules was a good friend, but she wouldn't put me up forever, and staying with her felt dangerous, somehow. Not in a fear of death sense, but we had our own history together, and while we agreed to remain friends... there's always that question when lovers become friends: 'where did we go wrong?'.

Sometimes I wish I'd never told Jules all about Emily. Maybe it might have made things easier, but I doubt it. She would always have known something was up, she wasn't nosy, but she did get suspicious enough when something was off with me. In the end I came to the decision that it wasn't fair on her to stay with me, when I didn't love her like I should have, like she deserved. I know she loved me more than I ever would her, and I'd avoided the elephant in the room long enough, and finally sat her down and had the discussion. The thing about Jules was that she was a very understanding woman, and wasn't as angry as I thought she would be. Actually, she wasn't angry at all, but it still didn't make me feel any better about breaking another heart.

So much for _not_ thinking, I thought to myself, as I lit the last cigarette. I concentrated instead on drinking my coffee and looked around the back garden. Some of it had overgrown a bit, but mum's veggies were still growing in the back corner, as though she hadn't died. I sighed deeply, and tried to think of something else before the grief got to me again.

"That's a bad habit, you know?" Came Emily's voice from the back doorway. I turned around and saw her leaning against the frame with her arms folded and a smirk on her face.

"Last one in the pack." I shrugged. "I don't really smoke anymore."

"She says, while _holding_ a lit cigarette." Emily replied, as she crossed the paving and sat in the chair next to me. "You're up early."

"I didn't check the time." I said.

"It's barely after six."

"Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't." Emily said, taking my hand in her own. She held it for a short moment before she spoke. "How did you sleep?"

I nodded. "Better, thank you." I said. "Do you want a coffee?"

"No, I'm fine."

I nodded again, and watched the burning cigarette between my fingers, before losing my interest in it and stubbing it out in the ashtray. I sat silently, sipping at my half-drunk coffee.

"Do you have any plans today?" Emily asked, after my mug was empty.

I shook my head. "No." I said. "I'd planned on going back to bed for the day."

"Well, shutting yourself in isn't going to help..."

"I know, I think you said that." I replied. "I don't feel like going out, though. That worked really well for me last night."

Emily placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over to mine for a bit... at most it'll keep you occupied."

"You don't have to babysit me, Emily. I'll be alright." I said.

"Still stubborn, aren't you?" She said, playfully this time.

"Always."

"Well, I don't care if you're scowling the entire way there and back, you're coming with me." Emily replied, matter-of-factly.

"Why?"

"Because I'm being a friend... and I don't want my friend to be moping alone all day, ok?"

I shrugged. "Ok."

"Besides, I want you to meet someone." She added.

"What?" I asked, looking over at her, finding her grinning back at me.

"Not what you think, Campbell." She replied. "C'mon." She said, standing up and walking back inside.

I sighed, then got up and followed her into the house. I rinsed out my coffee mug and set it on the side of the sink. By the time I was done and turned around to leave the kitchen, Emily was standing by the table, all dressed, absent-mindedly tying her hair up in a loose bun. It was a simple act, but one that had me almost mesmerised. There was another pang of regret that entered my body, and it wasn't until she stopped and looked up at me, that I realised I had been staring.

"Uh...I'm just gonna...go and get dressed." I mumbled, as I walked out of the kitchen.

Emily caught me by the hand as I left and made me face her. She studied me carefully before she spoke. "You really regret it, don't you... leaving?"

I looked down at my bare feet and nodded. "I do." I whispered. "I'm not sure how I can ever make it up to you, Emily."

She pulled me close to her and slipped her arms around my waist. "Naomi, you started the minute you began to explain why you left."

I shook my head. "You're too kind to me." I said. "And I'm the _last_ person who deserves it from you."

Her brown eyes looked into my own, and she leaned up and kissed me softly. "Water under the bridge, yeah?"

I bit my bottom lip briefly, and then nodded. "Can I go up and get dressed now?"

"Sure." She nodded, and released her hold around me.

* * *

It was later, when we were walking to Emily's place that I realised apart from her teaching, I didn't know anything else about her current life. But then, that was probably normal, considering I'd up and walked out of it and we hadn't spoken in so long. Mum had tried to tell me once or twice, but I refused to hear it... When I was in London, I didn't want to know about my old life back in Bristol, in spite of it being where I'd grown up, lived, laughed and loved.

"Do you live by yourself?" I asked, as we walked along the footpath.

"Sort of." Emily said. I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, and she just grinned.

"_Sort of_...that's an odd answer."

"Well, it's odd to explain. I consider them a person, but most people wouldn't. It's just up here, by the way." She explained, though not completely, as we made it to a small corner two-up, two-down block. Emily unlocked the door, and stepped inside. "Come in, make yourself at home." I stepped inside, and closed the door behind me. "Furby? I'm home!"

_Furby?_

"There you are, cutie!" Emily said, crouching down as a fluffy black and white cat came running up to her. It stopped in front of Emily and looked up at her, bowing its head as Emily reached out to pat its coat.

"Oh... now I see what you mean." I said, as Furby padded over to me and then began brushing against my legs, weaving in and out of them. "Cute cat."

Emily stood up and smiled. "I've had him for a few years now. He turned up on the doorstep as a kitten one rainy night, all soaking wet. So, I took him in and dried him off... I put flyers up to see if anyone had lost him, but no one called about him, so he stayed." She explained, before looking down at Furby, who was still rubbing up against my legs. "I think he likes you." She leaned down to pick the cat up and held it in her arms. "Furby, I want you to meet my very good friend Naomi." She said to him. Furby looked at me, and reached out with a tentative paw.

I took his paw in my fingers and shook it gently. "It's nice to meet you, Furby." I said, and he gave out a soft meow in response. He then began to wriggle out of Emily's arms and she set him back down on the floor, and he wandered off to do cat things.

"I need to go take a shower, but I won't be long... then I'll make some coffee and we can talk for a bit, if you like." Emily said.

"Ok. Take your time."

Emily went upstairs, and almost as soon as I sat on the sofa, Furby jumped into my lap and made himself comfortable. I drifted into my thoughts for a moment, imagining the night Furby had made an entrance into Emily's life... all soaking wet and sadly meowing for shelter. It would have just been like Emily to take him in and give him a home, and I can almost see the look on Emily's face when she discovered him. Her brow would have creased, and her eyes would have gone wide with sympathy.

I gently gave Furby a little stratch behind the ears. "You're a lucky cat, mate. All of five minutes, and I already know you've had a better life being with Emily. She's one of a kind."

What the actual _fuck?_ I was talking to a _cat._

I shook my head, and Furby just got more comfortable in my lap. The only problem was he was a bit heavy, so my leg was falling asleep. "Come on, mate... I appreciate the attention, but you're kind of cutting off my circulation." I said, as I picked him up and set him on the floor. He gave a wide, feline yawn and a stretch, and then wandered off, his bushy tail swaying in the air.

I got up to stretch my legs, and took a look around Emily's sitting room. A flat screen against the wall, complete with a decent sound system, tied into one of those entertainment units that always confuse the shit out of me. Some DVDs on the bookshelf, along with some photos, some of Emily and Katie, and one or two of just Emily. But there was one photo that caught my attention. It was one that I remembered well... Emily and I had been out at a club one night, and got severely shitfaced by hangover standards, and at the time Katie had taken the picture, I looked like I was trying to lick Emily's face off, and she just had this completely goofy look on her own face. I smiled a little at the memory... They were happier times.

"I remember that night." Emily said, making me jump slightly.

"You need to stop sneaking up on me." I said, flatly.

"Sorry." She replied, looking apologetic.

"Is that the only photo you kept?" I asked, as I turned around to face her. She was now wearing a pair of shorts and an old Metallica t-shirt that the collar of had seen better days.

"No." She replied. "I kept all of them... they're upstairs in my room."

"Surely not plastered all over your wall, shrine like?"

Emily chuckled. "Of course not... Look, come into the kitchen and I'll make us a cuppa... and then we can talk."

I followed her into the kitchen, and she made us both a coffee, and sat down to the side of me at the square table. I sipped the warm liquid, surprised at the perfect taste of it. "You remember how I like it."

Emily nodded. "There's not much I haven't forgotten, I told you."

"Right."

"Naomi... I don't know what your intentions between us are, and I feel like we should talk about it, don't you?" Emily asked.

"You mean be adult about it, and talk to each other."

"Yes."

"Alright." I shrugged.

Emily swallowed, looking a little nervous. This was odd, because up until now, I had been the one to be nervous. "You remember how much I loved you?"

I nodded. "I could never forget. Even when I was denying how I felt in college, you didn't budge."

Emily nodded. "I thought that had changed, I though that... well, a part of me would always love you, even though you broke my heart at the time." She said. "As time went by, I grew to realise how broken I had become. I did try and move on, but I guess I never really could. We had meant so much to each other, and to lose that... well, I lost part of myself."

"You've never stopped, have you? Loving me..." I asked. I looked up from my coffee up into her eyes and saw the truth in them, even before she shook her head. "What is it about you, Emily? I break your heart, fuck off for five years, come back with my reasons that anyone else would call bullshit, and you all but forgive me with open arms?"

"I always told myself if I saw you again I'd give you the chance to explain. I've had a lot of time to think about why you left, Naoms. A _LOT_ of time, including many days at the start, and many a sleepless, lonely night since."

"I figured as much."

"Why?"

I looked into her eyes. "Because I've spent many a night thinking of _exactly_ the same thing." I said. "Just...not as many lonely ones."

"I know you never intended for any of this to happen. I know you never meant to end up back in Bristol. But now that you are, And we are talking... What happens next?"

"I don't know, Emily." I said. "There's nothing for me in London, really. I love it there, but... I've got nowhere to stay at the moment. I gave up the lease on my flat, all my stuff is with Jules. I can't go back and stay with her, though, it would be too awkward."

"So look for a job around here? I know it's not how you wanted to end up with it, but you have a house to stay in, at least. The rest of us are glad to see you, even if we were a little shocked to begin with." She said.

"_Right_. Yeah, I guess thinking I could come back here and not run into anyone was a _little_ bit naïve." I said, sarcastically.

"You really thought that?"

I shrugged. "I'd more hoped. But I was more preoccupied with...other things."

"I know." Emily said, placing her hand on top of mine. "How are you coping with Gina being gone?" She asked, gently.

I closed my eyes and opened them again slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat. "It...it didn't seem real at first, you know? Just the shock of it, I suppose. When I'd seen Kieran, and how much of a mess he was, it seemed a little more..." I explained. "But it wasn't until the funeral, really. When I watched the groundskeepers at the cemetery..." I paused a moment and swallowed hard again, feeling the tears start to slip. Emily squeezed my hand again as I took a deep breath. "...I watched them...shovelling the dirt over her coffin... That's when I knew it wasn't a sick dream or a nightmare. She's really _gone_, Ems. My mum is dead." I said, my voice choking with emotion.

Emily stood up and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held me close to her. She gently kissed the top of my head, not saying anything, just holding me. I reached up to her hand and she grabbed my fingers, entwining them in her own and squeezing tightly. "I'm so _sorry_, Naoms." She whispered softly.

"I grew up in that house, y'know." I sniffled. "She's _still_ there. Even her bloody vegetables in the back garden... growing like she's _still here_. Only she's **_NOT_**. I might have come back, but she **_NEVER_**will." Emily didn't say a word, but kept her hold on me. I guess she knew how much it was helping me, even if in some small way. "I was _so_ stupid, and so _bloody_ stubborn... I should have come home _sooner_, but I didn't. I let my selfishness and stupidity keep me from doing it, and now it's too late. She's gone and I can't do anything about it."

Furby padded his way into the kitchen and grazed up against my legs again. Maybe even he could sense I needed it, I'm not sure, but he nuzzled his little furry head against my shin to comfort me anyway.

"I _told_ you he likes you." Emily said, humour in her voice.

"He's _your_ cat, of _course_ he bloody likes me." I muttered, half-heartedly. "What did you call him Furby for? He looks nothing like one."

Emily laughed softly, and I felt the vibration in my back. "It's short for Furball."

"Oh." I replied. "Furball Fitch. Sounds a little comical."

"Yeah, but it's still cute, and so is he." She replied.

"Mmm. And what about his owner's intentions?" I asked. "Now that I've made a strange re-entry."

"That depends on you, really." Emily said, relaxing her embrace around me and sitting to the side of me. She took my hand and held it in her own, gently rubbing her thumb across my own. "Naomi, I never stopped loving you, yeah? I was mad for a long time, but not anymore. Like I said, I figured it out after...why you'd left. I told you I would be a friend if you needed one, but you and I both know there is much more between us than just simple friendship."

"I know that." I said quietly. "I never stopped either. Loving you."

"What about Jules?"

I sighed. "I loved her, but it was _different_. She wasn't the one for me." I said, looking up and meeting Emily's eyes. "_You_ are. I shouldn't have run, because it's _always_ been you. Who I think about, who I dream of, who I _really_ needed to be with... It's _always been you_."

"So..."

"I don't know if you want to take me back, Emily. If I were you, I wouldn't even forgive me. But you always had a bigger heart, and _much_ more tolerance than me. I'm a little older, more mature, but I can still be a twat sometimes. Right now... I don't have the energy for anything other than getting through each day." I explained. "But if you want to tolerate my bullshit a little more... I can try and be a better person, because I'm incomplete without you, Emily. We're broken without each other."

I looked at Emily, and could see so many different things behind those expressive eyes. "I've missed you so much, Naoms... You're right though, I should hate you. But, I don't. More to the point, I simply _can't_. You're right... it's _always_ been you, too. What we had, I _never_ found that with another woman. Deep down, I don't think I wanted to."

I stood up and got down on my knees, resting on my heels, taking Emily's hand in mine. "All I can do is try, Ems. I love you, I've missed you, and I'm sorry for it all. Can we give it another try?"

Emily looked down at me with curious, but amazed eyes. She squeezed my hand gently and nodded. "So long as we talk to each other, yeah? Don't be scared of hurting my feelings or anything...If we don't communicate... well, it didn't do us much good last time, yeah?"

I nodded. "I know, Ems. And I think we can. I think we can do anything." I said, partially echoing the words that Emily had told me the night we spent drinking vodka on my floor, way back when.

Emily pulled me close to her and wrapped her arms around my shoulders again. I slipped my arms around her waist and held her close. She leaned in and kissed me slowly, and it was so familiar, like I'd never left in the first place. I kissed her back softly, and when I pulled away, she had tears in her eyes.

"I thought I was the teary one today." I murmured.

"These are happy, Naoms. Happy tears." Emily replied, with a shy smile.

"Oh." I said, before pulling her close to me again. "I don't ever want to let you go again, Emily Fitch." I whispered. "_Never_ again."

* * *

**A/N#2: Hmm. Interesting ending to that chapter.**

**More soon...review if you wish.**

**~GN~ xo**


	7. I'm Glad You're Here

**A/N: Hello again... another part to this one.**

**Before you read it, though, I have to give thanks to SkyBlue for their review on my last chapter. They mentioned the act of Naomi getting on her knees at the end being symbolic, much like surrendering armour and laying down arms. That's very much how I saw it myself, it's more or less an action that means much more than Naomi simply saying "ok, I'll let you back in", she is trying to show that she is stripping away all the barriers she herself put up between her and Emily. I think that's much more meaningful than just saying it, actions speaking louder than words, and all.**

**Naomi is still very much mired in her grief and insecurity at the moment... she knows she wants to be with Emily, but she's a mess, so still feels a little unsure/insecure where Emily is concerned. **

**Anyway, on with it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Active imagination, yada yada yada. Any and all typos can be blamed on my laptop.**

**(Emily POV)**

(A week later)

Some people might think it strange that I took Naomi back. The thing was, for now, we were just keeping it to ourselves. I wasn't about to tell Katie, because I wasn't about to sit through another of her lectures about how '_that bitch broke your heart_'. I was surprised she was as civil as she was, when we went out for drinks, even though Naomi didn't stay very long. But, it was Katie that made me go after her, not that I wouldn't have done so anyway. She might have hurt me deeply once, but I'm not made of stone. I'm made of flesh and blood, with a beating heart, that's never really _stopped_ beating for her.

I haven't had much of a chance to see her this week, seeing as I finally spoke to the headmaster about all the extra days they make me do, and he agreed that it would be better to just put me on full time, starting then and there. Consequently, I didn't get as much time as I would have liked to spend with Naomi. I still went over to see her every afternoon, but I wasn't able to stay over as I would have liked to. It wasn't _just_ that I needed her, which I did, but I could tell that _she needed me_, more than she would _tell_ me. I think it affected her more than she was letting on, when I would leave every night. She didn't say anything, but it was just the way she would hold onto me as we said goodnight... almost as if she was clinging onto me... as though it might be the last time we held each other.

So, today being Friday, I was actually happy through the day, because I knew that when I dropped into see Naomi that afternoon, I wouldn't _have_ to leave. I could stay as long as she needed me to. I felt a nervous lightness inside me, as I walked up her street. It was a path I'd traveled many times, both when we were teenagers and also the times over the years that I'd seen Gina since Naomi had left. Gina had always been good to me, and always welcomed me with a warm smile and a cup of tea. That was just the kind of person Gina was, it didn't matter that Naomi was gone, she was such a caring person, she still cared about me as if I was her own. In fact, she helped me to understand things about _why_ Naomi had left in the first place. I had cottoned onto the fact that Naomi was stubborn and a little closed off, but over time together, she had let some of her guard down. You could say that I melted her cold heart and made it beat out of love. Not that what I learned from talking to Gina excused the behaviour, of course... but it explained it a little more, I guess. Naomi was devastated by the loss of her mother, and it saddened me, too. Gina had become a good friend to me, and I would miss her cheery wisdom.

I stepped up to the door, and knocked five times, like I usually did. I waited. I knocked again, and waited. No answer. Hmm. Could she actually be out for a change? I took my phone out of my pocket and sent her a text.

"Hey Naoms, are you home? xo xEmilyx"

I got a reply a few minutes later.

"Door's open. xxNxx"

That _didn't_ sound good.

My stomach flipped a little with nervousness. I opened the door and quietly closed it behind me. I walked into the kitchen, still finding the dishes in the sink, unwashed from last night. The house was quiet, which would have been strange, had Gina still been alive, but... Anyway. I walked upstairs and saw that Naomi's door was open, but the room was dark. I walked inside, and took my satchel off my shoulder, placing it by the desk. Naomi was buried under the duvet, the ends of her blonde hair creeping out from underneath it.

"Naoms? You ok?" I asked, quietly.

In answer, she pulled back the duvet and looked at me, then back at the space next to her, then back up at me with sad eyes. Her expression tugged at me, and I slipped off my shoes and slid in next to her, pulling her close to me and holding her. She snuggled close and gave a soft sigh.

"Have you left this room today?" I asked, keeping my voice gentle. She shook her head against my shoulder, and I kissed the top of it gently. "Bad day?"

"Too many thoughts." She croaked. "I just... needed you."

"Oh... I'm sorry I couldn't be here, Naoms." I said, softly stroking her hair. "I got here as soon as I could, though... you know that."

"I know. I need to learn to not be so..."

"Hey... it's ok, yeah?"

"It's _not_ though, Ems." She replied.

"Remember what I said... one day at a time." I reminded her.

"I know... I just couldn't today. I tried getting out of bed, but I just..." She trailed off and then sighed deeply. "_Fuck_."

I held her closer to me. "It's ok, sweetheart." I soothed, rubbing her shoulder. "Sometimes you just can't, I get it."

"I feel so _bloody useless_." She mumbled.

I kissed the top of her head. "You are by _no_ means useless, Naomi Campbell. You're just in a rough space right now."

"Yeah." She replied, with a defeated tone. "Doesn't _feel_ that way."

"I know." I said.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Being this way. You must get sick of me leaning on you_ all_ the time." She said.

"Don't you _dare_ apologise for it, Naoms, you hear me? I won't have it. I'm here for you, no matter how you need me."

"I shouldn't need you like _this_, though." She said. "We should be... I don't know... getting on with being happy. But how can I do that when I feel so... broken?"

"You're _not_ broken, babe. Everyone goes through rough patches. This is a big one, but it's _not_ as bad as it could be. You're still alive... you're healthy, and you've got your whole life ahe-"

"Tell _that_ to Gina." She said, sadly, stopping me in my tracks.

"Sorry, I didn't mean-" I stuttered.

"It's ok. My fault. I get blunt when I'm upset, these days." Naomi said.

I sighed, and kissed the top of her head again. "Come on... I know you don't feel like it, but I want you to get out of bed. I'll do the dishes, and you go take a shower. You might even feel a little better."

"You don't have to..." She began to protest.

"No, but they need doing." I replied.

"Ok." She threw back the duvet and got out of bed, making her way into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. I got out of bed, and went downstairs to start on the dishes.

Half an hour later, the dishes were drying in the dishrack, and I decided to make some tea for when Naomi came downstairs. When she finally did, I had two full cups sitting on the table. I turned around to find her standing behind me, her hair damp and hanging over her t-shirt clad shoulders. She pulled me gently into her arms and held me close. "The shower helped." She said, kissing my forehead. "Thank you." Her blue eyes shined at me with a faint glimmer of brightness.

I leaned up and touched her lips softly with my own. "Sit down, babe."

"You made tea." She said, as she sat down.

"Mmhmm. I thought you could do with some." I replied. "Now... I want an honest answer. Have you eaten today?"

Naomi shook her head. "I haven't even left my room today."

"Then, I'm cooking you dinner, and not a single word about how I don't have to, yeah?"

She nodded, and stared into her tea. "Thanks." She said, softly.

"No problem." I said, as I got up to look in the cupboard. There wasn't much to speak of in it, other than some dry spaghetti and a box of cornflakes. "Hmm...someone needs to go shopping." I said, playfully.

"Yeah. I meant to go today, but..."

"It's ok. Do you feel like going for a walk?" I asked.

"Not particularly."

"Hmm. Well, how about pizza, then?"

Naomi shrugged. "Guess so. Don't really have much of an appetite."

"Ok, but you have to eat something, yeah? It's not good for you if you don't." I said.

"I know."

So, I phoned for pizza. Agreed, it's not the healthiest thing, but it was a quick fix, and it even served as comfort food for me sometimes, so I figured it might do the same for Naomi. While we waited for it to arrive, we sat on the sofa and talked a little.

"It's sort of getting easier, you know?" She said. "Today is bad, but... in general."

"Have you thought any more about what you're going to do?" I asked.

"A bit. I talked to Jules, she said she doesn't mind keeping my stuff as long as is necessary...until I can move it." Naomi said. "I think I'm going to stick around for a while, though. Might as well..."

"Have you thought about looking for some work? It'll keep your mind occupied a bit."

Naomi nodded. "Yeah, though I don't need to worry financially for a while. I still have savings, and there was mum's estate. She left most of it to me, but left some for Kieran as well. She wasn't a rich woman, of course, but she saved enough over the years to keep a nice little rainy day fund, as she called it."

"I see."

"She would want me to stay, don't you think?" She asked me.

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. "I think she would want you to follow your heart, Naoms." I said. "And if that means staying... then you should stay."

She nodded and laid her head on my shoulder, and sighed. "I don't think I could leave again. Not for good." She whispered. "Not now." She added, squeezing my hand.

I slid my arm across her shoulder and drew her closer to me. Her hand squeezed mine tighter, and she jumped slightly as a knock came on the door.

"It's ok... it's just the pizza guy. I'll get it." I said, kissing her temple softly and standing up to answer the door.

A few minutes later, we were sitting on the floor, on opposite sides of the coffee table. "I wasn't sure what you'd want, so I just got us pepperoni."

Naomi shrugged. "It's fine. Thank you." She said, quietly.

"Just so long as you eat some, too, ok?" I said, and she nodded.

We ate quietly, I could tell Naomi was hungry, even though she didn't say it. I remember one time, years ago, she had told me that when she is upset, she often ignores the fact that she is hungry. When she said she didn't have much of an appetite, I was skeptical, and I was proved right when Naomi picked up a third slice. I smirked a little to myself, but didn't say anything.

"What?" Naomi asked.

"_Not_ hungry, huh? You're eating faster than me!" I said, looking down at my half eaten second slice.

She shrugged. "Ok, maybe I did have an appetite after all."

"See... I knew it." I smiled.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Is it alright if I stay tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'd like you to."

"Thank you."

"No need. You know you're always welcome here, even if I am not myself." She said.

"You'll get there, Naoms."

She nodded slowly, as she finished her third slice. She leaned back against the sofa, and stretched her arms out, letting them fall back into her lap.

"Feel better?" I asked.

"I do. Thanks for making me eat something...and getting me out of bed." She said, looking down at her hands.

"Hey..." I said, reaching across the table to lift her chin. "I know it's hard, but you have to keep to _some_ kind of routine, yeah? It's not healthy to just be listless all the time."

"I know that, Emily. And I'm _trying_." She said, her blue eyes looking right at me.

I nodded. "Good. That's all I'm saying."

I finished my slice and dusted my hands off. "Well, I say we put the rest of this in the fridge and have it later." I said, standing up, and closing the pizza box.

"Ok."

I took the box into the kitchen and placed it into the fridge. I turned around, and stepped right into Naomi's arms, as she pulled me into them. My own slipped around her waist, and the content feeling that I'd felt recently every time I was in her arms returned. She held me tightly, and dipped her head to kiss me softly. "I'm glad you're here." She said, once she had pulled away. "It means a lot to me, I need you to know that."

"I do, even if you don't say it." I replied.

Her brow furrowed. "Have I not been communicating enough?"

My eyes went wide. "_No!_ It's not that... I just mean... you do say it, but I know how much it means to you, regardless."

"Oh." She said, before sighing. "Sorry, I forget that you can be a bit perceptive."

"Not as perceptive as Effy." I replied.

"That's true."

"Have you spoken to her lately?"

Naomi shook her head. "I've been a bit self centred, I suppose."

"It's natural, I think... to be self centred in times of grief." I said. "You should talk to her, though... I know she worries a bit about you."

"You all do." She said, her expression uncomfortable as she bit her bottom lip.

"It bothers you, doesn't it? I can tell."

"It does, slightly. But... that's just me, isn't it? I guess the stubborn part of me hasn't changed so much."

"You _mule_, you." I laughed.

"Yeah, yeah."

I kissed her softly. "Come on... why don't we go watch TV for a bit?"

"Mmm... nothing interesting on, there never usually is on Friday nights. It's all shows with plastic girls and fake tans, or boring sports no one wants to watch." She said.

"Well... what do you want to do, then?" I asked.

"I know I've spent all day there, but I want to go back to bed." She replied.

"Oh?"

"Mmm. But I want you to come with me." She said, taking my hand in her own and leading me out of the kitchen.

"Oh. Ok, then."

We went upstairs, and I changed into shorts and the t-shirt I had brought along with me. We both got into bed, and lay side by side, Naomi's blue eyes gazing at me.

"You don't expect anything, do you?" She asked, linking her fingers with mine.

I shook my head. "No... not until we are ready for it. I don't think we are just yet." I missed Naomi's touch like crazy, and being so close to her again made me tingle in some places, but I wasn't about to push anything. I cared more about how much she was hurting inside, feeling her naked against me_ in the throes_ could wait.

"Neither do I, just so you know." She whispered.

"I know that."

She leaned in and kissed me. "That's not to say I don't...you know... desire you. Because I do, I just..."

"Naoms... it's ok, I understand." I replied.

"Good."

"It's enough for me to just be near you, right now."

I shuffled a little closer to her. "Like this?" I asked, gently.

She smiled a little, and nodded, pulling me just a little closer to her. "Yeah. Believe it or not, I'm actually just content with you being next to me... like I said, it's enough for now."

"Mmm... I know what you mean."

I raised my hand and began to gently stroke my fingers through her fringe. I ran my palm down her cheek softly, and placed my lips against hers in a gentle kiss.

"I've missed this..._so much_. Just being with you." She said, her voice taking on an emotional tone. "I'm sorry that I was so scared I gave you up."

"Sshhhh..." I soothed. "It's in the past, babe." I said. "We have each other _now_, and I'm _not_ letting you go."

"I'm not letting you go either, this time." She said, and I could see the truth in her eyes. "It really did hurt... _too much_."

I kissed her softly. "Naoms, do you think you can move past thinking about it?"

She sighed. "I hope so... I _never_ saw myself as living a life of regret... But like I told you, it's the _one thing_ I've regretted my whole short life. I've felt guilty for a long time... but it still lingers, even though I'm _trying_ to make things right."

"And you are." I replied, simply. She looked at me, and bit her bottom lip. "You _**ARE**_, Naoms. I told you, talking to me was the first step. If you have any doubt about it... Look at where I am. I'm here _with you_. I could have not given you the time of day, rightfully so, given the circumstances, but I did. Do you know why?"

She shrugged. "Because... you...love me."

"Goddamn _right_, I do. I've _ALWAYS_ loved you, Naomi. Time hasn't changed that one bit, nor has what you did."

She wrapped me up in her arms and held me close to her. I always wished she could hold me closer, but this would have to do for now. "I love you too, Ems." She whispered, before she kissed me tenderly. "I love you, too."

"I know." I replied. "But, I want you to promise me something."

"Anything."

I blinked slowly, and looked at her. "I want you to stop punishing yourself over it. We move on, ok? If this is really what we want, and I know I do, we heal and get on with our lives... together." I said, softly.

She looked into my eyes, then closed hers, sighing deeply. When she opened them again, she looked right back into the brown warmth of my own. "I _do_ want it." She whispered. "Ok."

I rolled onto my back, and she snuggled in beside me, resting her head on my shoulder. I slowly slid my fingertips up and down her arm, soothing her. It was so soothing, that she eventually fell asleep like that... happiness might be a bit far off, given recent circumstances, but Naomi was most certainly content in that moment.

* * *

**A/N#2: A nice fluffy, snuggly landing pad for that chapter, no? I think so, anyway.**

**I think the story might jump ahead a little in time... we shall see.**

**More soon, and more coming for TI, Slays, SF and who knows what else. Stay tuned!**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	8. Give Me Catharsis

**A/N: I started this chapter a week or so ago (I think) and then neglected it slightly to let my brain run amok on Secret Life... Sorry... had idea, needed to be written.**

**And as usual shit has hit the proverbial fan in Nomesy's living arrangement situation, so, like it or not, I'll be moving again soon. *sigh* Sometimes, kids, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.**

**Anyway. Enough personal crap for one A/N. Bit angsty this one. Again. Sorry.**

**On with it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Whatever. Any and all typos are not my fault.**

**(Naomi POV)**

(Another week later)

"_French speaking translator wanted for busy firm. Full time position, excellent renumeration and benefits. Email for more information at.._."

I stared at the ad, possibly longer than I should have. But then, it was late Saturday morning, and Emily was next to me on the sofa watching television, with her head resting on my shoulder. The paperboy had thrown the Saturday paper at the door with its usual hollow thunk against the faded wood, and Emily had got up to get it while a re-run of Spongebob illuminated the television screen with all sorts of colours.

"You should apply!" Emily said, from next to me.

"What?"

"The job ad, babe."

"Oh." I replied, dumbly. "Um...yeah, I might at least email for more information." I said, folding up the paper and placing it on the coffee table. I leaned back against the back of the sofa, and sighed.

"You ok?" Emily asked, as we snuggled back together.

"I'm just glad you're here." I murmured in reply.

Emily kissed my cheek softly. "I can tell. I'm glad to be with you, too. It's been a long week."

I stroked my fingers through Emily's fringe. "I want to take you somewhere tonight." I said, softly.

"You don't have to."

"I know." I replied. "But, I want to."

"Alright, I can't say I can argue with that." Emily smiled.

I guess I still felt like I had to thank her, somehow. I would always be grateful to Emily for giving me the time of day, however reluctant I was at first. It had taken me a while, but I had eventually decided that her presence was a good thing, and that for all the grief I had given her over time, she meant me no harm. I know that in my vulnerable state I felt a lot more guarded about myself, but I knew I could relax around Emily, even though to begin with, it made me feel a little uneasy. I had too many memories floating through my mind about the past, and it took me some time to try and not think about what I had done, and focus a little more on the present, and possible future. The trouble is, it was hard to think of that, when my mind was so mired in the mistakes of my past. I'd had low points, but this was about the lowest I felt, because everything had come down on top of me all at once, and it wasn't as simple as solving just one problem. No matter how much it helped me, to have Emily back in my life, I still felt like I was drowning in quicksand.

"Hey...are you sure you're ok?" She asked, touching my arm gently.

Christ, I didn't realise I'd been thinking that long. I shrugged, and shook my head, slightly. "I just feel so..." I sighed. "I'm not sure. I don't like feeling this uneasiness."

"Why are you feeling uneasy?"

"Maybe it's just me." I replied. "I've always been so... driven and determined in what I want. And now... I just feel like so much has changed, and I don't know what to do next. Being here, it's..." I sighed again. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable."

"In Bristol, or...?"

"In general, not just Bristol." I said.

Emily took my hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm not sure I follow, Naoms."

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. "I can tell you anything, right?" I asked her.

"Of course you can! I'm here for you, you know that." Emily replied, gently.

I squeezed her hand in mine and took a deep breath. "This isn't saying anything bad about you... because I would never do that, you mean too much to me."

"I know that, Naoms." Emily said, with a gentle smile.

"I feel like everything is drowning me. Like... It's all on top of me, and I can't cope."

Emily pulled me into her arms, and held me close to her, triggering the trickle of tears that began to slip out. She held me as I began to sob, whispering soothing little words into my ear. "I've got you, babe. It's ok...let it out." Her hand rubbed up and down my back gently, as she spoke.

"I can't handle it, Ems. I really _can't_." I sobbed. "What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to keep going when so much has changed?" Emily said nothing, but continued to hold me. "I need Gina here to kick me in the arse and tell me what to do. She was always so good at that. I miss her wisdom, so much!" I cried. "It's not fucking _fair_, Ems. I want my mum back."

"Oh, Naoms..." She murmured, stroking her fingers through my hair. "I know, sweetie. If I could change it, I would."

"Tell me something, Ems..." I said, pulling back from her warm embrace and wiping my eyes. "The robbery... do you know if they caught the people that did it?"

Emily looked at me curiously, and bit her bottom lip. Her expression was uncertain. "They caught two...one got away, from what I read." She said, quietly.

I looked at her, my jaw slightly open. "Are you kidding me?"

Her expression turned apologetic. "I wish I was, babe." She replied. "They're still looking for the third person."

"So they are still out there, alive, while my mother lies dead and rotting in the ground." I said. "_Perfect._"

"I'm sorry." Emily said, softly.

"I need a fucking cigarette." I muttered, standing up off the sofa and making my way into the back garden.

"I thought you quit?" Emily said, her voice getting closer to me as she followed.

"I did." I said, as I flicked the lighter, a bright orange-yellow flame appearing in front of me. I lit the cigarette and tossed the lighter onto the table. "I only smoke now when I'm stressed." I added, flopping into one of the deck chairs. "Fucking typical." I muttered, my voice low and strained. "Three lowlifes shoot shoot my mother dead, and one does a runner, and they can't even catch the cunt."

"You're angry." Emily said.

"OF COURSE I'M FUCKING _ANGRY_, EMILY!" I yelled. "IF SOMEONE HAD DONE THAT TO KATIE AND THE POLICE COULDN'T FIND THEM, _YOU _WOULD BE PISSED OFF TOO!" There was silence between us for a brief moment, Emily looking at me in shock as I began crying again. "_Fuck_, I'm sorry." I muttered. "I didn't mean to... I... Oh, _fuck_..."

Emily closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them again, crouching down in front of me and looking at me. She took my hand in her own and traced her thumb over it. "You do have a point, Naoms. I would be just as angry as you if that happened." She said, calmly, before kissing the back of my hand.

"I feel like such a cunt. I've never yelled at you like that before." I said, my voice almost a whisper. "I'm so sorry, Emily. Can you forgive me?"

"Under the circumstances? Sure." She replied, with a soft smile and a cute shrug. My cigarette had gone out, and I went to light another, before Emily stopped me, her hands holding mine tightly. "Nuh uh. One cancer stick to de-stress is enough for today. I want you with me for a _long_ time, yeah?" She said, standing up, and pulling on my hand. "Come on, you. We're going in...and seeing as it's a Saturday, I think a day of lounging around in bed is in order."

"Ha...you just want to get in my knickers." I scoffed, as I stood up.

Emily grinned. "Ah, _there's_ my Naomi. Sarcastic as ever." She said, before kissing me softly. "And you'd better believe it."

"Ems..." I started to say, before she placed her finger over my lips to silence me.

"It's the truth, Naoms." She said, quietly. "I won't push you, though. I'll wait until you are ready."

I shook my head slowly. "I have no idea how you can be so patient... five years ago-"

"Was five years ago, Naoms." She said, once again stopping me in my tracks. "Honestly... We were both coming to grips with who we were, then. I guess I was just quicker at it than you were. Don't get me wrong, I do want to. But you've been through a lot, and I can wait a bit longer. We discussed this."

"I know. I guess it's just me overthinking it." I replied.

"C'mon... We've always talked better when we're in bed, and I can tell you need cuddles." She said, leading me indoors.

I felt myself blush as I followed her. "You still know me..." I said.

"Yes."

* * *

Much later, we were cuddled up in bed, with me on my back and Emily nestled into my side. "Have I told you how good to me you are?" I said softly.

"Once or twice, babe." Emily replied, kissing my shoulder.

I turned to look at her. "Ems...look at me." She lifted her head, and her warm brown eyes stared back at me. "I mean it. Without you being here for me... I might have self destructed by now. One day soon, I'll thank you, I promise." I said, leaning in to kiss her softly.

"Naoms, one way you can thank me is by hanging in there. I know it's hard sometimes, and it seems like you'll never rise above it. But you will. I have faith in you." Emily replied.

My phone began to ring on the bedside table, and I snuck my hand out to check who was calling. Jules' name flashed on the display. "Shit, it's Jules." I muttered.

"Do you want some privacy?" Emily asked.

I thought about it, for a brief second, before shaking my head and letting the call ring out. "No. I don't want anything to penetrate our little bubble." I sighed. "I'll call her later."

"Are you sure?"

"Emily... she's still my friend, but she's part of the past. She won't mind if I talk to her later. I can just tell her I missed the call." I explained.

"Oh." Emily replied. "Can I ask... she knows about me, right?"

"Yes." I said. "I told her all about you... she knew what you've meant to me all these years."

"And that wasn't...awkward?"

I shrugged. "It was, to start with. But she accepted you as part of my past once she heard why I had left. She knew I had regrets, and didn't push me to discuss them further."

"She never encouraged you to come back?"

I was silent for a short moment. "She did, once. About six months before we split. I mean, she had always joked about how I never took her home to meet Gina... She said that from what I told her, she sounded like a lovely person."

"She was, Naoms."

"I know." I replied. "Anyway, we actually got into a bit of an argument over it. She wanted to know why I'd never brought her here, seeing as it's only a couple of hours by train. After pelting me with questions about whether it was my embarrassment, or me not thinking Gina would approve, she finally said something, and then knew exactly why."

"What did she say?" Emily asked.

"_'It's her, isn't it? __**That's**__ why you won't take me. It's __**always**__ because of Emily._'"

Emily looked at me. "_Me?_ Why on earth... you might never have even run into me here, Naomi." She said.

"I would have. You know it. I _did_, didn't I? Even though I fled like a coward." I replied. "Actually, I think that argument was the beginning of the end for us."

"I'm sorry." Emily said, softly.

"Don't be. We're still friends. I think we work better that way." I said. "You, though... You've always been it for me. I knew that when I left... I never expected to find anyone else, and then I met Jules."

"Wow." She replied.

"It doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it? Me talking about her..."

"No." She said. "I mean... I'm a _teeny_ bit jealous that she got to be with you and I didn't, but... No point in holding a grudge."

I smirked. "Fair enough."

"She better not plan on you getting back together, though... I've got you now, and I'm not letting you go."

I actually laughed at that. "Babe, you couldn't prise me off you with a screwdriver..."

A throaty laugh came from Emily, and she cuddled closer, kissing me softly. "I know...and I like it that way, Campbell."

* * *

**A/N#2: Little bit of tension there, but all's well that ends well? I hope? Eh...**

**More soon.**

**Until then...**

**~GN~ xo**


	9. Remembering The Past

**A/N: Hello there. Sorry for keeping you waiting this long, but for those of you not following my other stories, I have a quick recap for you: best friend asked me to leave where I was living because apparently I'm too moody and antisocial and me being there wasn't creating a harmonious environment. Whatever. Anyway, rather than live elsewhere in Brisbane with people I don't know/trust, I decided a complete change was in order, and I've moved back to my mum's in Perth. Needless to say, the friendship with my best friend is now strained. Again, whatever, but I'm finding I have less time for bullshit in my life. I've already cut off one friend in the past few months, and while I still have stuff of mine that is in Brisbane, as soon as I get it moved to here, I may well cut her off as well. I haven't decided yet, but the way she's been to me lately, I'm not very impressed.**

**That's it in a nutshell, and now that I've settled back into being home a bit more, I can get on with writing. This chapter I am not sure really works, but I wanted to try and give some background on what happened when Naomi left Bristol. It doesn't really make sense, but then again maybe it does, this is Naomi we are talking about, after all, and she was mixed up and confused, yada yada yada... just read it and feel free to tell me if it sucks, yeah?**

**On with it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. I'd be richer if I did. Any and all typos are a total myth!**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

Five years ago, I'd sat in my room, holding the letter that had come from Goldsmith's University in London. It was a very formal letter, that came with a bunch of registration forms. I'd been accepted to study business, minoring in French, starting in a month's time. I stared at the text of it, conflicted over what to do about it. I'd wanted to study there since I was about fourteen, and it had been my dream for all of my teenage years. But when I was sixteen, a certain redhead by the name of Emily Fitch had found her way back into my life, and into my heart. It was wonderful, making friends and falling in love with the girl who had stolen my breath, as well as my heart and soul when I was twelve.

I _did_ love her, even though I'd been a shit to her at times. I'd long known she was the one for me, and after the Sophia debacle, and everything else that nearly split us apart completely, we somehow made our way back stronger than we had been before. If it were possible, I was more in love with her than I had been at twelve, at fourteen when she'd kissed me, and at sixteen when we'd made love by the lake. She completed me, I suppose. That I'd almost realised too late, when I thought I'd lost her completely.

Emily had always talked of seeing the world. She wanted to see Goa, Kathmandu, Tokyo, Brisbane and Auckland, among other places. We spent many nights where she would google various places and make lists of all the things she wanted to see. I, on the other hand, was only half as interested, deep down. I wanted to travel, yes, but once I had a degree and spent a couple of years saving. I wanted the reverse of what she wanted, and it bothered me a great deal. I didn't want to hurt her, because I loved her.

That love also scared the hell out of me. Even though I'd loved her since I was twelve, I was unsure that I was gay. It felt so natural to be with Emily, like she was another part of me that I didn't know existed. It scared me that it felt so right being with her. There was still a part of me, a very large part that was in denial of who I was.

But now, I felt stuck between a rock, and a hard place. Not that I wished to think of Emily as either, but... The fact remained that I held in my hand a letter that I'd been dreaming of reading since I was _fourteen_. A letter that now put me in a difficult position, because to accept that place would mean I would have to do the one thing I didn't want to do. I never wanted to hurt Emily again. We had punished each other enough, and it was horrible for a while. But, I wasn't completely sure, in the back of my mind, that I could live with giving up my dream of going to Goldsmith's to be with her. What if it _didn't_ work out, in the end? What if we broke up _anyway_, and I was left here alone, stuck in a shit job that barely paid?

The decision to leave Bristol was the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life. I couldn't confront Emily with this, though, I couldn't bear to see the look in her eyes as I knowingly broke her heart and told her my plans. So, I was stubborn, and didn't tell her. I played the good girlfriend for the next month, acting as though things were not about to change forever. In fact, I hadn't even told Emily I'd applied, because when I'd sent in the application, we weren't exactly on good terms with each other. I'd actually more or less forgotten completely about it, until the acceptance letter arrived in the mail. It's like that, when you're in a loved-up bubble. You forget the rest of the world exists.

Keeping that secret from her was the most stressful thing I'd ever had to do. The good thing was, we didn't live together at the time, because after mum came back, she thought it would be better if we lived apart for a while, and not so much in each other's pockets. It worked, for the most part, though she still slept over frequently, especially when life in the Fitch household got to be a little too much.

I'll always remember the last night we spent together. It was two days before I was due to leave, and I'd had to beg Emily to stay over. She almost became suspicious, but I convinced her that I just had missed her a bit too much lately, and just wanted to spend the time with her. Mum cooked us both dinner, and though she gave me pointed looks as she served it up, thankfully Emily didn't notice. She had been appalled that I hadn't even told Emily I'd applied to Goldsmith's.

"Naomi, lying to Emily is what split you two up to begin with!" She had said.

"I know, mum. But, I can't tell her. It will break her heart. She's wanting us to travel! It's not that I don't want to see the world with her, but mum, I've also been wanting this since I was fourteen!" I complained. "I'm just so confused."

Mum gave me a piece of her mind, as she always tends to. But my stubborn mind was made up, and I was so scared of what I felt for Emily, and how I didn't feel as independent as I had been before she and I had got together... I felt completely suffocated. And when the one you love is the one who is suffocating you, it's hard to know what to do.

After we ate the dinner mum had cooked for us both, we retreated up to my room. I hadn't even packed yet, but I'd made a list of everything I was taking with me, so it would be easy to get it all done quickly. There were literally no signs whatsoever in my room that I was leaving in two days. We laid in each other's arms on my bed, and I looked into Emily's eyes, wondering if I would ever forget the sight of them. She stared back at me so fondly, that I almost crumbled and told her then. But a split second later, I talked myself out of it, because I couldn't bear to see the hurt I would put into them if I did. I rolled Emily over, and snuggled into her back, kissing her neck softly.

"You're very quiet, tonight." She said.

"I know. I'm ok, I just... don't have any words, right now." I said, hoping that my voice wouldn't betray me. I felt her hand cover mine and squeeze it gently, before she turned around in my arms and kissed me slowly. One kiss turned into another, and then another, and before Emily knew it, I was working my way into her clothes, pulling them off her as she tugged at mine.

We made love, more than once. For the first time in a long while, it was slow, delicate and sensual. I wanted her to know that I loved her, without having to say it. Every kiss, every touch, thrust of my fingers... every orgasm I gave her that night was given not out of lust, but out of the pure love that I felt for her, that I may never get to express to her_ ever_ again. That night, it didn't matter to me what the future held, what mattered was that Emily and I were together, and I wished it didn't have to end. But sometime well after midnight, my beautiful redhead snored softly in my arms, as I watched her sleep. I couldn't stand not holding her, and the very thought of never feeling her in my arms again broke my own heart, and tears fell from my eyes as I wept softly while she slept nestled into me.

I put on the bravest face I'd ever had, the following morning when she left. Because I knew the following day I would be leaving both my home, and her. I was so scared, because I was going somewhere I was going to be completely alone, and completely lost. I didn't know anyone in London, nor did I really know my way around. Thank _Christ_ for smart phones, that at least would help with directions. But as for knowing people... Well, Gina always said I never did things by halves...

I'd held her extra tight when she had said goodbye that morning. I'd told her I loved her, and kissed her passionately, like I usually did whenever we parted. I also watched her walk to the end of the street and turn the corner, knowing that it would be the last glimpse I had of her. When she was gone, I went inside and shut the door behind me, seeing my mother standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do? Because she's going to be as devastated as you look right now. I don't even know how she's managed to not suspect anything. Although, judging by the fact that I was kept up until two in the-"

"Leave it, mum." I said, flatly, as I went back upstairs. I set about packing my clothes and other belongings I was taking with me, periodically checking the list I had made myself to be sure I had everything. Once I was done and everything was packed, I sat on the end of my bed, and looked at the dressing table mirror that had all the pictures that had been taken of me and Emily, along with all the little trinkets that she had given me since we had got together. I think I'd switched off, by that point, because I don't remember what I was thinking as I pulled every single photo and note that was tacked to the side of the mirror, placing them into a black shoe box, that I sealed up with tape. I put the box at the back of the wardrobe, on the top shelf, and sat back on my bed.

There was a shirt of Emily's that had landed in my wardrobe some months before. Maybe it was left over from when we used to live together, I don't know. But, I'd kept it, on the off chance Emily needed it whenever she stayed over. I hugged it to me and inhaled its scent, which was mostly of washing powder, but still had that faint lingering sense of Emily. It was the only item of clothing I didn't pack, because it was not only too small for me, but leaving for London was a clean break for me. I wasn't taking anything of Emily's or anything that was ours with me. I was leaving all of it, including her, behind. I was even changing my number as soon as I got there.

It was just easier for me to run, than face up to it. I was a coward, and I knew it. I felt a huge, crushing amount of guilt for what I was doing, but I was ignoring it as best as I could.

The next day, I hauled my luggage down the stairs, and out the door to the waiting taxi.

"Are you sure you have everything, love?" Gina asked.

"For the millionth time, mum... _Yes_." I said, hauling one bag into the back of the taxi.

"And you'll call me when you get there?"

I sighed. "Yes, mum."

"Because, you know I worry."

"Yeah, I know. But you don't need to, I'll be fine. I've got accommodation sorted, and it'll do until I can find a flat." I explained. "It's all sorted out." I added, as I faced her. I could tell she was trying to stay cheery, but I still saw sadness in her eyes.

_Don't think about it, Naomi. You have to do this._

"Is it? What about Em-"

I raised my hand. "_Don't._" I said. "This is my decision, and I'm doing this for both of us. Tell her that, if she asks."

"_If_ she asks? Naomi, you can be a real tit sometimes. That girl loves you and you know she is going to come around looking for you. I don't understand why you can't tell her yourself. Or your other friends." Gina said. "Honestly, I don't know how you can even leave with everything being such a mess with Freddie and Cook-"

"Because if I don't, they'll give my place to someone else, and I'll miss out. They don't give second chances, mum." I replied. "I _HAVE_ to go."

"But to not even tell anyone! That's not the way I raised you, love."

I sighed and looked my mother in the eyes. "Can we _not_ argue about this, please? My decision is made. Now, I have to leave, or I'll miss my train. So, hug me before you miss the chance."

Gina pulled me in for a tight, crushing hug. "I love you, Naomi. Take good care of yourself, and make sure you are home for Christmas."

"I will, mum." I said, feeling squished, but allowing her to hug me. Finally, she let me go. "Bye, Kieran." I said, shaking the Irishman's hand.

"Good luck, Naomi. Send us a postcard, or something."

"I will." I said, as I opened the door of the taxi and got inside. "Bristol train station, thanks." I told the driver, and he started the car as I rolled down the window. "Bye, you two. Take care of her, Kieran, and you take care of him, mum."

"We will." They both said, as the taxi pulled away.

About halfway to the station, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out, seeing that it was a text from Emily.

"_Hi, Naoms. Just checking in to see how you are. I love you xoxo xEmsx_"

I stared at the message for such a long time, I didn't even realise the taxi had arrived at the station. The driver helped me with my luggage, and I paid him the fare before I walked into the station, one backpack on my back, and my rolling suitcase behind me. I was early, so I made it to the platform with plenty of time to spare. I sat down and reread the message that Emily had sent me. I didn't even know how to reply to it. Out of all the things I could say, only one stood out to me, and so I typed it out, and sent it.

"_You are the love of my life. I will __**always**__ love you, Emily Fitch. xoxoxo xNx_"

Once it was sent, I turned my mobile off, and opened it, removing the sim card and throwing it into the rubbish bin, before putting my phone back together and turning it back on. At least it would still tell me the time, even though each minute I lived now would be in a world that I didn't know how I would survive, because the one person I'd truly loved, who loved me back, was the one person I had just shut out completely. I felt so empty, then, and what's more, I hated myself at that moment, moreso than when I'd cheated on her. It had taken Emily a long time to forgive and trust me again after that, but this... She may never forgive me for walking out on her like this.

Finally, the train arrived, and I loaded my bags on. I sat in my seat, let the conductor check my ticket, and then pulled the hood of my jacket up, staring out of the window at the passing scenery, trying to ignore the fact that my heart was breaking with each mile the train traveled out of Bristol and towards London.

"I _hope_ you are doing the right thing, Campbell..." I muttered quietly to myself. "I _really_ do."

It was two weeks later when I finally called mum to give her my new number, and got a barrage of her annoyance.

"_You disconnected your mobile without even calling her?! Are you mad?! She was in TEARS, Naomi. She's bloody well devastated!_"

"Mum-"

"_Do you have any idea what you've done to her? Really? You stubborn little COW, Naomi, I can't believe you would do that to her, after everything you two have been through! How could you?!_"

"Mum-!"

"_You're lucky you're not here, I'd bloody well backhand you into next week, young lady! Cheating on her is one thing, Naomi, but breaking Emily's heart like that..._"

"I **_knew_**it would do this, ok? But I couldn't do it myself because it broke _**MY**_ heart, too."

"_Then why on earth did you do it?! You could have sorted something out, but you're too stubborn and strong-willed._" Mum argued. "_I hope you're satisfied, Naomi, because you've manage to not only break her heart, but shock everyone else who now knows you're gone in the process. What am I supposed to tell everyone?_"

I sighed. "Whatever you like. Just do _**NOT**_ tell them I am in London. Emily will get over it, in time. I did this for her."

Gina laughed, coldly. "_**Right.**__ You tell yourself __**that**__, Naomi. But I know how happy you made each other. I told you that when you find happiness you have to cherish it. But __**you**__? Oh no, you've pretty much pissed all over it and thrown it away. You're so __**selfish**__._"

I fought back tears, because I knew she was right. "I have to go. Do _**not**_ give anyone my new number." I said, before I ended the call.

I laid down on my bed, sobbing until I had no tears left. Hearing that Emily was so broken hearted cut me to the core, and I couldn't take knowing that. I grabbed the bottle of vodka I'd had stashed under my bed, and drank myself to sleep, hangover be damned.

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**A/N#2: There you have it. I bet none of you thought Gina would actually make an appearance in this story, other than as a corpse, but there you go. **

**Review if you wish...**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	10. Some Things Never Change

**A/N: Ok, this chapter is a counterpoint to the last one, which tells Emily's experience of Naomi doing a runner. Half of it I wrote while drunk, so... if it sucks, sorry.**

**Angst Warnings™ apply...**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Not one bit. I should feel sicker...**

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**(Emily POV)**

(Five years earlier)

"_You are the love of my life. I will always love you, Emily Fitch. xoxoxo xNx_"

I looked at the message on my phone, and for some reason, it didn't sit right with me. I decided to call Naomi, to check that everything was ok.

"_The number you have dialled is unavailable, or is switched off. Please try again later._"

I had a feeling of slight panic that found its way through me. I couldn't have misdialled it, because her number was in my contacts. I dialled it again.

"_The number you have dialled is unavailable, or is switched off. Please try again later._"

Immediately, the panic turned into a cold feeling right in the pit of my stomach. I didn't realise I was staring dumbly at my phone until Katie walked in.

"What the hell is up with you?" She lisped.

"Huh?" I replied.

"You look upset, Ems. What's going on?"

"Uhm... I don't know, Naomi just texted me, and I called her but her phone is switched off." I said.

"Maybe she's ignoring you?" Katie replied.

"She wouldn't do that, Katie." I said. "But the message was really odd... I sent her one saying good morning, and I got this message back." I added, showing her the text.

"I will always love you? That doesn't sound so odd. I mean, you two are _disgustingly_ loved up, and all..."

"It doesn't make any _sense_, Katie. She didn't even properly respond to what I said, she's never done that before." I argued. "I don't know what to make of it."

Katie shrugged. "Go and see her, then, if you're so worried. I'm going to go see Effy. I'll see you later." She said, as she strutted out the door.

I sighed, and picked up my jacket, putting it on and making to leave.

"Emily?" I heard my mother's voice behind me. "Where are you going?"

I sighed, again. "I'm going to Naomi's, mum."

"_That_ girl. I don't like her, you know that."

"Yes, and I don't particularly_ care_, mum. I'll be back later." I said flatly, as I walked out of the door.

It didn't make any sense to me, why I couldn't get through to Naomi. Things were fine with us, right? At least, that's what I think... I haven't done anything wrong, and the last time we were together, she was as affectionate with me as she had always been, more so, even. She didn't seem as though anything was wrong...maybe I was just overreacting. Oh, I _hope_ I was...

The rest of the walk, I didn't pay too much attention to. I could tell you that the day was sunny, and I passed some kids playing in the park and it looked lie they were having fun. But really, I wasn't paying attention. The worry was growing inside me, that something was very wrong... Or at the very least, amiss. It's a good thing I knew the way to Naomi's by heart, or else I might very well have got lost. I walked up the path to the faded yellow door, and knocked. A few moments later, it was answered by Kieran.

"Oh, hello there young Emily. How are you?" He said, his cheery Irish accent filling the air.

"Good thanks, Kieran." I replied, giving him a smile that I didn't really feel myself. "Is Naomi in?"

His sympathetic expression made me panic even more. "I think you'd better come in and have a chat with Gina, love." He said, stepping aside to let me in.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, cautiously.

"Please, love... go on through to the kitchen." Kieran said, ushering me through the hall.

I sighed, the worry growing inside me as I made my way into the kitchen. "Gina? Is everything ok?" I asked, my voice almost faltering with worry as Gina looked up at me with a sad smile.

"Sit down, love." She said, her voice not reflecting its usual cheeriness.

I cautiously sat down opposite her and took in the sadness on her face. "W-where's Naomi? Has something happened? Is she alright?"

"She is fine, love. But she's not here. She left this morning."

"She _left?_ She didn't tell me she was going anywhere... Where did she go?" I asked. "I can't get through to her mobile."

"She's gone, Emily." Gina said, looking at me as sympathetically as Kieran had.

"_Gone?_ Like..._gone_ gone?" I said, in disbelief. "No, she wouldn't do that to me." I said, a hollow laugh coming from me. "This is a joke, _right?_ She's upstairs and you're just fucking with me..." I said, standing up.

Gina also stood, following me as I quickly made my way upstairs. When I got to Naomi's room, I froze. The room was completely bare, except for her bed, and her bedside table, with the mirror that held photos of both us and our friends. Only everything had been stripped. Not a single photo remained.

I turned to Gina. "What the _fuck?_" I said, in complete disbelief. I turned to Gina. "She's gone, isn't she?"

Gina nodded, and looked at me, again with sympathy in her eyes. "I tried to talk her out of it, Emily. I really did. I know how she feels about you, and I don't agree one bit with what she has done. Please understand that."

"Where did she go?" I asked, my voice completely breaking this time.

"She asked me not to tell you. All she said was, to tell you that it was her decision, and she was doing it for the both of you." Gina replied.

"Oh my god." I said, as I burst into tears.

Gina immediately took me into her arms and held me while I cried. "I'm so sorry, Emily. I know how much you mean to each other, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now."

Devastated wouldn't even be an accurate description. I felt like I had been gutted and left to die.

"I don't _understand_, Gina!" I sobbed. "Why would she leave like that?_ Without_ telling me?"

Gina continued to hold me close. "I don't know, Emily. I tried to get her to tell you, but she just _wouldn't_ listen. You know how stubborn she can be..."

I sobbed harder into Gina's shoulder. I didn't understand it one bit. How could Naomi leave me like that?!

Eventually, I calmed down after Gina had made me a cup of tea, but I still felt so sad. Kieran had made himself scarce, and while Gina had told me that Naomi had said she was doing this 'for the both of us', it wasn't something I understood straight away. At first, it bothered me that she wouldn't tell me where Naomi had gone. She told me, though, that if I should be angry at anyone, it was_ Naomi_ who deserved it, _not_ her. I realised, in the way that Gina makes you realise things, that she was right. I apologised to her then, but she waved it off with a good natured smile.

"It's alright, love. I know as well as anyone what a twat Naomi can be." She said.

"I just don't understand." I said, my voice still broken up. "I thought we were _happy_. At least, I know I was..."

"She was too, Emily. She lit up whenever she talked about you."

"And you won't even-"

Gina shook her head, sadly. "I'm sorry, Emily... I really wish I could. She would be furious with me if I did." She said. "I know you're angry, love... So am I. I argued with her about it last night, but she's a mule sometimes. Once she has her mind made up..."

"I know." I sniffled. "There's no changing it."

"No, there isn't."

"I knew something wasn't right... I just couldn't place it." I muttered. "And then she sent me a message this morning..." I showed Gina the message, her look becoming more sympathetic as she read the words. "I tried calling her, but her number is unavailable."

"Oh, dear." Gina said, her tone matching mine. "Now... I'm really_ furious_ with her. That's _not_ how I raised her, at all."

Silence fell between us for a few minutes, before the scrape of my chair on the floor filled the room. "I should go, I've taken up enough of your time." I said, quietly.

Gina's hand covered mine. "I wish there was more I could say, love. I'm sorry." She said, with a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah, well... For whatever reason she doesn't want to even speak to me... If she calls-"

"I'll give her a piece of my mind, you can guarantee it, love." Gina replied. "You are always welcome here, Emily. She might be gone, but I know your own home life isn't perfect... So if you ever need a chat, I'm just a phone call away, ok?"

I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Gina. For everything." I said, giving her a hug.

* * *

I was in shock the entire walk home. When I got inside, my mum called out from the sitting room.

"Emily, is that you?"

I ignored her, trudging up the stairs as I heard her call my name once more. I went into mine and Katie's bedroom and slammed the door behind me, collapsing onto my bed in tears. A few minutes later, I heard the door open behind me, and my twin's gravelly lisp.

"Emsy? Is everything ok? Effy sai-" She stopped mid-sentence as she took in the sight of me, and her eyes narrowed. "I'll _kill_ her! What the _fuck_ has she done to you?!" She said, angrily.

I shook my head. "Don't bother. She's_ gone_." I murmured, before I burst into tears once more. Katie was quickly at my side, pulling me into her arms and hugging me tightly. Say what you like about my sister... she can be insensitive, and a_ complete_ slut at times, but she does love me. Blood is_ much_ thicker than water...

"I went to see Effy, and she told me that something wasn't right... You know how she just_ knows_ things?" I nodded as I sniffled. "She said you needed me, and that it was something to do with Naomi."

"She's left Bristol, Katie. She's switched her phone off, or disconnected it, I don't know." I said, between sobs.

"What did Gina say?"

"I think she knows where Naomi has gone, but she made Gina promise she wouldn't tell me."

"Maybe it's just for a few days?" Katie offered, trying to be helpful.

I shook my head. "Everything in her room is _gone_, Kay. Her clothes, books, photos, the stupid heart I made for her from James' Lego... the lot. It's like she never even lived there, almost."

"Christ." Katie said. "Emsy, I know I've had my differences with Campbell, but I'm sorry she's done that to you." She added softly, squeezing me firmly in her arms. "She didn't say_ anything_ to you about leaving?"

"No." I replied. "Something seemed a bit off the other night, but I didn't think enough of it. But now..."

"It makes sense?" Katie asked, and I nodded, sadly. She held me closer and stroked my hair. "I'm sorry, babes. I really am."

* * *

Long story short, Jenna almost jumped for joy. She seemed to think that Naomi leaving was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and over the next few weeks spared no effort in setting me up with a string of _'nice young men'_, as she put it, until Katie very publicly put a stop to it at dinner one Friday night. We had a guest, the son of one of mum's clients... Brad, or Lester or something equally stupid. Jenna was attempting to get me and the guest to interact, by telling Brad or Lester about my travel plans.

"Perhaps the two of you could go together?" She said, her tone sickly sweet.

Katie then piped up. "Mum, would you lay off Emily already? Can't you see she's had her heart broken?"

"Nonsense, she's fine. That girl is in the past now, where she belongs. Emily just needs to meet a nice young man and settle down, that's all."

Katie rolled her eyes and looked at Brad, or Lester. Maybe his name was Joe, I don't remember. "Listen, you_ know_ my sister is as gay as a window, right?"

"Uh..." The boy stuttered.

"Emily isn't _gay_..." Jenna said, uttering the word with total distaste. "It was just a phase."

"It's**_ NOT_** a phase, mum!" Katie argued, before turning back to the boy. "Seriously, you've got a better chance trying to get into _my_ knickers than my sister's."

"Knickers?!" James piped up.

"_James!_" Dad warned. "Pipe down, or it's the naughty bar for you, boy!"

"I don't know why Emily insists on keeping up with this _nonsense_." Jenna interjected. "None of _my_ children are _gay_."

"Mum... here's a _newsflash_ for you, yeah? Emily is **_SO_** gay, she absolutely **_LOVES_** having another girl lick her bits. And no matter _how_ hard you try and set her up with random wankers - _sorry mate_ - she is always going to_** BE**_ gay. It's just the way she is, whether you like it or not, and your constant denial of it is completely pathetic."

"Perhaps I should go..." The boy said, placing his napkin on the table and standing up.

"Oh, no, but we're having such a lovely meal..." Jenna said, trying in vain to keep face.

"Erm, no_ really_... Honestly, I don't know _what_ we're eating, and to be even _more_ honest, it tastes a bit revolting. Sorry. I'll see myself out." He said, leaving the room.

"_Well_, I-" Jenna stuttered, before narrowing her eyes at me. "I hope you're _satisfied_, young lady."

I shrugged. "I didn't do anything."

"_Exactly!_ You didn't even _try_ and make conversation with him." Jenna remarked.

"Because I've _no interest_ in him, mum. Katie is right. _I am gay_. You don't _have_ to like it, but the _least_ you can do is _stop_ being in denial about it." I said calmly, as I stood up. "I've lost my appetite. Excuse me."

"Emily, I... _Emily!_"

"Save it, mum. Just leave her be, yeah?" I heard Katie say, as I went upstairs.

* * *

A few days later, I left for Goa, in an attempt to somehow mend my broken heart. The culture there was wonderful, as it was in the other places I went to around Asia. By the time I'd travelled to New Zealand, the ache I felt in my heart was less than it had been the day Naomi had left, but it still existed. The hole was never completely filled, and I found myself unable to have a relationship with a girl, though I had a casual fling here and there. Purely for the sex, you understand... My heart still belonged to Naomi, even though she had left me so devastated.

It took me a long time to understand, but I finally realised it was _because_ she loved me that she had left. It was a shitty way of showing it, obviously, but I wanted to travel, and her... not so much. She wanted to further her education, and Gina had let it slip once or twice that she was doing well with her studies. She never told me where she was, keeping her word to Naomi not to do so. I didn't argue with her over it, because even though I was hurt and lonely, I still respected her enough not to pry. If she didn't want me knowing, that was her choice, and I just had to live with that.

After three years, I had moved on, in a way. Or I'd tricked my mind into thinking I had. I knew that was the case of it, the day I saw her in the station two years later. I felt the immediate pull to her, and knew at that second that I had been fooling myself for five years, and that I was _still_ totally, madly and _desperately_ in love with her.

Some things _never_ change...

* * *

**A/N#2: One of these days, I might write something where Jenna isn't a total bitch...but it's just too much fun writing her that way.**

**Reviews welcome...**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


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